


That's When I Turned Into a Canary

by veevs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Diary/Journal, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Original Character(s), Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-04-08 02:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 24,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veevs/pseuds/veevs
Summary: Seven and a half hours into her sixth year at Hogwarts, Maisie has already decided that she'd be better off squatting in the Forbidden Forest for the remainder of the year than facing Eugene Blousepacker again-- her crush, whom she has fully humiliated herself in front of thanks to an ill-timed Weasley prank.She's determined never to forgive them, but Fred's dashing smile, determination, and surprisingly good drawings of Professor Snape farting are major hurdles she's got to get past if she's going to keep that grudge strong.





	1. Friday, September 2nd

**Friday, September 2**

**12:37 AM**

I have been at school for literally seven and a half hours and I am already considering fleeing to the Forbidden Forest and living out the rest of the school year out there in a small tent. I will be known for the rest of my days as the Forest Hag.  

They will say, “Who was the Forest Hag before all this?” 

They will ponder, “What drove her out into the wilderness with all those dangerous creatures and sometimes Hagrid when he is looking for a new pet?” 

 They will worry aloud, “Will that be me one day?”

 It’s rather a good idea. I shall fade into obscurity. No one, including Eugene Blousepacker, will remember tonight. Which would be a blessed thing.

 

 

**12:40 AM**

 Except maybe they all WILL remember. I think, if I were a bystander at the party, I would certainly remember. 

 

 

**12:42 AM**

I mean, I still remember when Suzy Carmichael said “orgasm” instead of “organism” during her science presentation in the fifth grade, when I still went to muggle school. 

 Suzy is probably lying in HER bed right now thinking about it going, “Oh, I’m sure no one will remember the most embarrassing moment of my life.” 

 

But I remember, Suzy. 

 

I do.

 

 

**12:48 AM**

 I have decided four very important things:

  1. I hate the Weasley twins with a fiery passion.
  2. I think I should get a fringe. I saw it in my sister’s Cosmopolitan magazine over the summer and I think I’d look good.
  3. I shan’t ever eat anything offered to me by anyone else ever again. I am considering only drinking out of my own hip flask like that weird new professor, Mad-Eye Moody. He may be mad but he’s onto something. 
  4. Even though I spent all summer listening to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston on loop on my cassette player and imagining myself holding hands and kissing Eugene Blousepacker, I cannot ever speak to him again. I am a ruined woman.



 

**12:50 AM**

Alicia just came into the dormitory. “It wasn’t that bad,” she said. 

 “It was.”

 “It wasn’t.”

 “It was.”

Then Angelina burst in and was all, “ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?”

 Alicia relented. “It was pretty bad,” she admitted.

 “But it’s reparable!” Angelina said, flopping down onto my bed. “I mean, everyone knows it was the Weasley twins’ fault. They’d been getting people all night with those stupid canary creams. I’m sure Eugene doesn’t think less of you.”

“But he certainly doesn’t think of me as aloof and alluring anymore.”

“That is true.”

 

  **1:00 AM**

Angelina offered to duff up the Weasley twins for me, which I thought was very kind of her.

 

 

**1:30 AM**

 Fine, I will come out with all the horrifying details, as I have heard purging is the best thing to do with harrowing memories. I can’t sleep anyway. Alicia, Ruby, and Angelina fell straight asleep, because they got to flirt with cute boys all night and drank spiked punch and ate unjinxed custard creams. Chelsea is not back yet— I assume she went off with Lee Jordan somewhere to snog until the sun comes up.

So here it is. We threw a big big party to celebrate the first night here— you know, to welcome/frighten the first years and get rowdy together after a summer apart and to remind McGonagall of how much she missed scolding us. 

 Things got a little out of hand, I suspect because everyone was VERY enthusiastic about having the Triwizard tournament here. Lee invented a drink on the spot called The Dancing Veela and it is definitely responsible for Lavender Brown puking into the fireplace.

 But anyway. Ahead of time, Alicia and Angelina and I decided that I would be Alluring and Aloof with Eugene. You know, a push and pull sort of thing— Alicia had read it in a book she had swiped from her sister over the summer. It says that in order to attract men you have to be magnetic but not give them all your attention right away. Seeming too eager is the number one way to lose a man’s interest. 

 Angelina wasn’t totally on board with this idea. She said I should just jump on him and give him a good snog. 

 “If I jump him I could very well crush him to death,” I said very reasonably. As the tallest girl in our class I have had to wait for the boys to catch up to me for ages now. Eugene is just now my height and I don’t want to risk it. 

 (Lee Jordan I swear grew more than ten centimeters and Alicia is almost positive he sipped some Skele-Grow.)

 So to me, it looked like the stars aligned. Especially since we were dancing to the music and Eugene kind of sidled up next to me. I gave him a flirtatious sidelong glance (that I have been practicing for months for THIS VERY MOMENT) and he smiled back at me. And then as he sort of came closer and in front of me to dance WITH me and I swear to God I could smell him (he smelled very good) and he said to me, “Hey—” 

 But I didn’t get to hear what he was going to say to me because that’s when I turned into a bloody canary. 

 

I am haunted by those stupid Weasley canary creams. 

 

 

**2:30 AM**

 Went downstairs to stare moodily into the fire, except of course Lavender’s puke is still in it. So I just stared moodily at her puke, in the middle of the remnants of the party. 

 But then FRED WEASLEY HIMSELF appeared, rummaging around the couch cushions for something. 

 “Hey,” he said. 

 “ _You,_ ” I replied.

 He put his hands up. “I saw what happened, but I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

 “Of course you did. You jinxed a bunch of custard creams, you git.”

 “I meant I didn’t intend for it to happen while you were having your big moment with Prince Charming.”

 I think my entire head must have turned red. “He’s not— I mean, I don’t—”

 “Oh come off it, Moretti. Everyone knows you’ve had a crush on Eugene Blousepacker since second year, except maybe Blousepacker himself. Which, by the way, is an _awful_ last name. And first name. It’s simply not moanable. I’m very against your infatuation with him.”

 “I’m sorry— moanable?” 

“Precisely. Imagine yourself being in the throes of passion and you had to moan his name. You couldn’t. You’d laugh so hard you’d fall off the bed.” 

“Oh, and I suppose ‘Fred Weasley’ is somehow better?”

He smirked. “It sounds just fine, trust me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Gross. I am going to bed now, and hopefully by morning I can forget this entire conversation happened.” 

“Dream of me?” he called after me.

He is such a prat.

 

 

**Breakfast**

 Why didn’t I go to bed earlier.

 

 

**Herbology**

Took a nap during Divination and I feel much better. 

Might take another snooze now, as it is quite warm and cozy in the greenhouse and Professor Sprout is talking incessantly about the plants that the North American Iroquois used to treat… either tonsillitis or tinnitus, I wasn’t listening very closely. 

It’s been very taxing dodging Eugene. He and the other seventh year Gryffindors have Herbology before me and I practically broke my ankle trying to hide behind the ferns.

I just realized this is probably why people date people in other Houses. When you break up it’s so much easier to pretend they don’t exist.

 

**Lunch**

The professors this year are quite keen on keeping Fred and George Weasley separated during classes, which is for all our collective safety but it is how I got partnered up with Fred during Herbology and I am rather sore about it.

I do USUALLY enjoy the twins’ pranks— bewitching the suits of armor to fart loudly whenever the Slytherins walked by last year was absolute genius. Also George cursed Marcus Flint’s pants to dance uncontrollably (with Marcus still in them) last year and even though Flitwick docked Gryffindor fifty points it was bloody well worth it. We were never close, even though they’re tight with Alicia and Angelina from the team, but we got on fine before.

But now. Now I have tasted the cruel side of their pranks and I cannot abide. 

“C’mon love, are you still cross with me?” Fred said as we were supposed to be milking the bovinilium creeping vine. 

“Obviously.”

 

 

**Dormitories**

**After dinner**  

Not sure anything in the world is quite as terrible as double Potions. Maybe double Potions with Slytherins, like last year. This year we’re paired up with the Ravenclaws and boy howdy do they not have a sense of humor when it comes to their education. 

Our potion today called for “two heaping tablespoons of badger feces” and when I instructed Whitney Donnelly to “scoop that poop” she completely got the hump and then wouldn’t let me stir the concoction widdershins. 

She clearly doesn’t think I’m very smart, even though I got an Outstanding in my OWLs for Potions last term. I don’t think Snape can believe it either. I’ve never seen someone more upset to give a student a good grade before. 

It doesn’t help that I told him Potions made sense because it was a lot like cooking. He was all, “It is NOT like cooking, ten points from Gryffindor because I’m a sulky prat.” 

All I’m saying is that McGonagall and Flitwick were proud of me like normal people. And Whitney and Snape can snuggle up under that wet blanket together.

 

 


	2. Saturday, September 3rd

**Saturday, September 3rd**

**12:00 PM**

One day of class and I’ve already got mountains of homework. Professor Trelawney wants us to do our horoscopes for the remainder of the month by Tuesday’s class. 

She is, annoyingly, obsessed with me ever since the first day of class when we did our birth charts. She said someone with so much Scorpio in their chart is either poised for great good or terrible evil. Now she watches me very closely as if she’ll be able to determine the moment it goes one way or the other.

 

 

**4:00 PM**

Alicia’s off to the Quidditch pitch. I guess because of the Triwizard tournament, they’re not doing Quidditch this year. Some of the Houses are trying to put together some teams anyway, though. Sort of like how there are informal footie matches on Sundays I reckon. 

 

 

**Dinner**

In a panic move, I sat between some fourth years at dinner because Eugene was next to Alicia and Katie. 

“How’s it going,” I said to Dean Thomas, who was on my left. 

Dean choked on his cider, stammered out, “Fine,” and then basically fled from my presence as soon as he could. 

George and Lee were just down the table from me. “Aw, he loves you,” Lee said as we watched him go.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley had been sitting on my other side, and they sort of just shrugged a bit. They are, at least, more normal.

Harry seems fine. Over the summer I saw my cousins Claudia and Ginger who go to Beauxbaton and they lost their minds and were like, “Oh my God you go to school with the Boy Who Lived, what’s he like, is he cute, is he nice?”

They were really disappointed when I told him how incredibly normal he is. Seems like a bloody lot of trouble is always following him around though. Last year when Sirius Black broke in? Complete havoc. I did enjoy classes getting cancelled, but not if it meant I’d get murdered.

I feel like I wouldn’t have the patience he has with people staring at his forehead all the time. Maybe he is a blessed saint like my grandmum says.

“Lee, stop that,” Hermione Granger chastised from where she was seated across from Ron. 

“Now, now, Granger, he’s only telling the truth,” George defended. “And Maisie ought to have the heads up. It’s only a matter of time before the boy starts scribbling ‘Mr. Maisie Moretti’ all over his school books.”

Oh dear God.

 

 

**8:00 PM**

Alicia told me there are way more people interested in playing Quidditch so they’re going to form their own teams and probably have six teams competing in matches. Angelina’s asked her to be on her team. They both accosted Harry during dinner. I guess Roger Davies from Ravenclaw is trying to get Harry on his team because he and Grant Page had a spat and Cho Chang’s going to be seeker for Grant.

But Harry said he’d play for them, obviously. Gryffindor spirit and all that. Plus Angelina and Alicia are the best chasers around. 

 

**8:30 PM**

Alicia and Angelina are stressing about who their Keeper will be. Cameron Rickett, who probably would have tried out for the Gryffindor team this year, is playing on the same team as his brother Anthony, who’s in Ravenclaw. 

 

**10:00 PM**

Tracked down Alicia and Angelina in Fred and George’s room— I guess the twins agreed to be the Beaters for the team. Poor Harry was also being held hostage in there while the four of them screamed about quaffles and Wronsky feints or whatever. I had gone looking for Angelina and Alicia because I wanted their opinion on whether or not I should continue plucking my eyebrows or if that would be a grave mistake, but I didn’t want to ask it in front of the boys. 

“What’s going on, Moretti?” George asked.

“Just looking for Alicia and Angelina.”

“Why?”

“No reason.” I said. 

Angelina raised her eyebrows at me. I raised mine back, and she went, “They’re perfect.”

This is why we are best friends.

 

 

**10:30 PM**

Alicia told me that Katie Bell showed up and told them that Stacy McNamara’s got a twin brother in Slytherin named Rollo. He’s tried out every year for the team but Flint wouldn’t put him on because Rollo’s Muggle-born. Instead they kept on that stupid knob Miles Bletchley. 

Fred and George and Harry are very against this, on the grounds that Rollo is Slytherin.

But Angelina went off to ask after Rollo at the Slytherin dormitories. 

 

 

**11:00 PM**

It’s done. Rollo McNamara agreed to be the keeper of Angelina’s Quidditch team.

 


	3. Sunday, September 4th

**Sunday, September 4th**

**10:00 AM**

Tense time at breakfast all around. I guess everyone’s cross with each other about who is going on who’s Quidditch team. Fred and George are threatening not to join Angelina’s team because Rollo’s a Slytherin.

Angelina asked Fred to pass the butter, and he said, “Are you sure you don’t want one of your new best friends over in Slytherin to pass you their butter?”  

Angelina turned to me and went really loudly, “God, would you look at that, Maisie? I didn’t know babies could be so tall!” Then she turned to Fred and said, “Do me a big favor, Weasley, and grow up.” 

Yikes.

 

 

**Library**

**11:30 AM**

I cannot believe I am actually huddled up in the library starting on my homework but everyone is acting completely out of their minds. 

Alicia said she’d join me later, after she’s done repotting some South American Mandrakes for Professor Sprout. She did really good on her OWLs for Herbology. She wants to go into herbal medicines.  

I don’t know what I would like to do. I’m the best at Transfiguration. My mum knows a witch who performs magical nose jobs and is the best in the business, but I don’t think changing people’s noses sounds very interesting.  

Anyway. I’ve got to start on this stupid horoscope for Trelawney or she’ll make me look at some tea leaves and predict my own death.

 

**Dormitory**

**4:00 PM**

Fred sat down next to me in the library and said, “Make no mistake, I am not doing homework. I am hiding out.”

I looked at all his books. “It certainly looks like you’re here to do your homework.”

“All part of my elaborate ruse.”

“Is your ruse so thorough you’d give me some ideas for my horoscope? I’m running out of misfortunes to suffer through. You know how much Trelawney loves bad news. And Uranus is in retrograde, so it has to be juicy.”

Fred leaned over to look at my work so far. “What have you got?”

“Let’s see, on the fifth I’m going to be betrayed by a friend. On the sixth, I must be very careful as there is a possibility of physical instability leading to injury. On the seventh, things are looking up, but on the eighth I lose something very important to me.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Fred said scribbling down notes. 

“Hey! You can’t steal my made-up bad news— get your own.” 

“Well, perhaps on the fifth I’M the one who betrays a dear friend? And on the sixth, maybe I have an opportunity to be a hero but I have to watch my— um—” he squinted at some charts, “— transits, because Chiron could make me hesitate.”

“That’s very good. Should I say on the ninth I patch up my problems with my friend? Or is that too optimistic?”

“No, you should say that and then have a SECOND falling out with them later in the month. Far more dramatic that way.”

“On the tenth I shall beware of the number five.”

“I’ll make a public fool of myself.”

I leaned back and rubbed my eyes. Fred frowned at his homework. “D’you reckon Trelawney will mark me down if I say I’ll get diarrhea on the sixteenth? Does it lack nuance?” 

“She’ll just go on and on about how it’s because you don’t have any Virgo in your chart, which I’d argue is even worse than being marked down.” As I stretched my back, I caught sight of the library door. “Hmm. Maybe an open door will lead to a startling discovery?”

Fred waggled his eyebrows. “Ooer.”

“You’re right, that conjures up too much filth.”

“If you’re not going to use it, then I will.” He bent his head down and started scribbling. “I want Trelawney to wonder if someone is shagging in an empty classroom on the sixteenth and fear every door she walks past.”

“Maybe for the twelfth I’ll say I fall in love with someone I shouldn’t.”

Fred nodded his head as he kept writing. “Mmhmm. Mmhmm. On the twelfth, someone falls in love with me who shouldn’t.”

I smacked his quill out of his hand. “Stop that! I don’t want Trelawney thinking I’ve gone and fallen in love with you.”

He sniffed. “That’s hurtful, Moretti. You need to remember that words can be weapons.” He started writing again and read aloud as he did: “On the thirteenth… called unattractive… by a pretty girl… lock self… in broom closet… drown in my own tears…”

It was actually rather fun with Fred. But then he had to go and ruin it by going, “So, have you faced Prince Charming yet?”

I put down my quill and sighed into my homework. “No, I’ve been avoiding him. I’m rather good at it. I could have a career as a spy, I think.”

“You’re better off without him,” Fred said suddenly. “He’s a bit of a prat.”

“No he’s not! He’s cute, and sensitive, and thoughtful.”

“Are we talking about the same person?”

I harrumphed. 

Fred put up his hands. “Fine, fine, we’ll talk about something else.”

“Yes, how about you and George threatening to quit Angelina’s team because she dared get a Slytherin as keeper?”

He glowered at me. “You don’t understand. It’s a Quidditch thing.”

“Well all I know is that they wouldn’t let him on because he’s Muggle-born. And now you won’t let him on because he’s Slytherin. See any parallels? Hmm?”

Then it was his turn to harrumph at me. 

 

 

**In bed**

**10:00 PM**

What does Fred know about Eugene anyway?  
****

**10:30 PM**

Nothing, that’s what.  
****


	4. Monday, September 5th

**Monday, September 5th**

**History of Magic**

Nearly said hello to Eugene this morning, but I was too busy crouching down behind Angelina so he wouldn’t see me. 

 

**Hospital wing**

**11:04 AM**

Well that new professor with the wonky eye can go straight to hell and stay there. 

All the boys who had DADA on Friday have just been saying back and forth in hushed voices, “He really gets it, you know? He’s the real thing.” And whenever any of us tried to ask about it, they just shook their heads in a mysterious manner.

I’ll tell you what happened: HE CURSED US. He put a bloody imperious curse on each of us! Angelina sang the national anthem, George did three backflips in a row, Darcy Greeves did an Elvis impersonation, Mary Anne Corbitt stood in a corner and did jumping jacks for forty five minutes.

And you know what I did? I broke my goddamn arm, that’s what. He tried to curse me into tap-dancing. I didn’t want to and resisted with all my might and what ended up happening was I half started to tap-dance, half decided not to, fell down really hard on my elbow and SHATTERED IT, couldn’t get up, and ended up tap-dancing with my legs flailing about while still lying on the floor.

I want to die. Truly. As I was being led out, I asked Angelina if anyone saw my knickers and she said no but I know she was lying.

And Mad-Eye Moody. GOD he was so proud of me! Going, “Now THAT’S how you do it, folks!”

If this is what it takes to get a good grade in his bloody class I’d rather flunk it.

 

 

**11:22 AM**

At least Madam Pomfrey is outraged for me. Her lips completely turned white with anger when Angelina and I explained what happened in Mad-Eye Moody’s class.  
 ****

My arm is healed already, even though it was a bad break. She told me it will be sore for a while. I asked her if I could possibly get out of double Transfiguration this afternoon and she told me not to be silly.

This would never happen at a Muggle school.

 

**Second Floor Girls’ Bathroom**

My DADA disaster is the talk of the school, just as I had feared. I literally just walked into the Great Hall, realized everyone was talking about me, and walked back out.

I really do have to go into the Forbidden Forest now. Or maybe Hagrid will let me live in a little shed next to his cottage, he seems nice enou—

OH MY GOD FRED JUST WALKED IN HERE.

 

**Dormitory**

**6:05 PM**

Fred was all, “Moretti? You in here?”

I stuck my head out of the stall. “Get out of here! This is the girls’ loo!”

He didn’t care. He just smiled at me. “I know that. I’m checking up on you to make sure you’re all right.”

“I’m fine. My arm’s healed up.”

“Then why are you hiding in the loos?”

“Because everyone’s talking about me and what happened in class, obviously. It’s so embarrassing. It makes me wish for the good ole days when the worst thing that happened was that I turned into a canary in front of the possible father of my future children.”

Fred leaned up on the sinks next to me. “Ah, those were the days, weren’t they.”

“And now everyone’s seen me break my arm, tap-dance, AND my knickers all in one go. Angelina said no one saw my knickers but I know they did.”

“I won’t lie to you, we did all see your knickers. But it’s not like no one’s seen knickers before, is it?”

I covered my face with my hands. “The day I wear my gigantic apple-catchers too— GOD, why doesn’t someone just kill me and get it over with.”

“Your enormous knickers covered everything, though, that’s what counts I think. What if you had been wearing something lacy? Or— Merlin forbid— nothing at all?”

I took a long look at Fred Weasley. “Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Dunno. I just feel like it, is all.”

Then Angelina and Alicia burst into the bathroom. “GOOD GOD WEASLEY THIS IS GIRLS LOO GET OUT.”

 

 


	5. Tuesday, September 6th

**Tuesday, September 6th**

**Divination**

Trying to be bold and strong like the woman Angelina says she knows I am, but it is difficult. I am wearing bicycle shorts under my skirt today just in case, and learned a charm to keep my skirt from lifting above mid-thigh. It looks very stiff when I walk but it’s necessary.

Been plagued by a bunch of nasty Slytherins doing some crap tap-dancing when I walk by. They weren’t even in the class! UGHHHH.

Professor Trelawney took my hands in hers and said, “Ah, your proud Scorpio Moon will be tested dearly this month. Resist your most vindictive of instincts and you shall move through it, instead of being trapped by it.”

She is so full of it.

At least my bleak horoscope will make her happy.

 

 

**Herbology**

Came face-to-face with Eugene by accident while heading into class. He just said to me, “All right?” and moved on to be with his mates.

What does that MEAN?

 

 

**Common Room**

**7:00 PM**

Angelina doesn’t know what it means. Alicia said maybe it was a signal that he heard about what happened in DADA yesterday. George, annoyingly, overheard our private conversation and he told me it’s just a guy’s way of acknowledging someone. 

“Acknowledging me for what reason?” I asked.

He shrugged.

 

 

**11:00 PM**

I do NOT want to go to Defense Against Dark Arts tomorrow.

 


	6. Wednesday, September 7th

**Wednesday, September 7th**

**Double History of Magic**

I don’t know if Madam Pomfrey did some yelling or what but Mad-Eye didn’t curse any of us during class today. I can’t believe I even have to speak those words— I think that should be a given? Professor Lupin was a bloody good teacher and he never hexed us is all I’m saying.

Mad-Eye likes me though, which is annoying. He patted me on the shoulder today and said, “Keep up the good work, Moretti.” And then he turned his head and screamed at the class, “CONSTANT VIGILANCE!” and Emma Welles jumped so suddenly she dropped all of her books. 

I wish I could yell random things at people and scare the absolute tar out of them. 

This awful Slytherin girl named Miranda McFlintlock at the start of this class was all, “Wearing some ugly knickers to flash at everyone today?” to me and laughed with her friends, but the joke’s on her because she sat in front of me and I have been slowly hexing her hair to turn into an acid green. It’s crept a quarter of the way up her braid now. By the end of class it should reach her scalp. Alicia is turning red from trying not to laugh.

I don’t like Miranda. She’s a mean girl and she’s very pretty which means she thinks she is better than everyone. She does this thing where she’ll look you up and down and then turn to her friends and start whispering.

It’s vile and I hate her.

Angelina is next to Lee right now, painting her nails. Professor Bins has not noticed. He doesn’t notice anything. Last year a small fire broke out on Fred’s desk and it took Professor Bins at least three full minutes to stop droning on about the ninth goblin war and address it (by which time, it had consumed all of Fred’s books and had spread over to Lee’s side of the desk). 

 

Alicia just passed me a note:

**I AM SO BORED.**

_How does Professor Bins’ own voice not put him to sleep._

**He’s a ghost, I don’t think he can sleep.**

_Maybe that’s how he died. He bored himself to death._

**I redid my snoglist for the school year, by the way.**

_I must see it._

 

**Alicia’s Wistful Snoglist** _(with commentary by Maisie)_ **:**

 

**1\. Roger Davies**

_Handsome, but he’s a bit dopey, isn’t he?_

**Cracking snogger though, I’ve heard. There’s writing all over the third floor girls’ loo about it.**

_Fair._

 

**2\. Cedric Diggory**

_He’s so dreamy and dependable. He’s like if a loaf of good bread became human._

 

**3\. Duncan Inglebee**

_Hard disagree. His eyebrows are too well groomed._

**I think they’re fine!**

_It’s not what they look like, it’s what the symbolize._

**I don’t care what you and Angelina say, Jerk Brows aren’t a thing.**

_They 100% are._

 

**4\. Martin O’Malley**

_YES. He took off his glasses, plucked his unibrow, and got a proper haircut over the summer. He is GORGEOUS now._

**I KNOW. It’s truly wild, I can’t even believe it.**

_You should probably swoop in and get him before he realizes what a catch he’s become. He’s a Hufflepuff, so it’ll take him a while._

 

**5\. Oliver Wood**

**He will always be on my snoglist, even though he graduated.**

_He was stupid hot. Couldn’t he have flunked all his NEWTs so we could spend another year looking at him?_

 

**6\. Fred and George Weasley**

_Gross, Alicia, couldn’t you have at least made separate entries for them? They’re two separate people._

**Well, if I can’t properly tell them apart it feels disingenuous to make two entries. I’d snog either Fred or George and I wouldn’t know one from the other. You wouldn’t either Miss High-And-Mighty.**

_I would definitely be able to tell them apart._

**Liar.**

_I can!_

**Okay, YOU can only tell them apart because Fred’s the one that’s always hanging around you. But if they both approached you at the same time, you wouldn’t know.**

_I will bet you anything I would._

**All right, then. I bet you can’t tell them apart after dinner tonight. If I win, you have to go talk to Eugene Blousepacker once and for all. If you win, I’ll give you that red crop top of mine that you covet so much.**

_DEAL._

**Wow, I didn’t really think that would work? Considering how you’ve been hiding from Eugene, I thought it’d take longer for me to talk you around to it.**

_I am not HIDING from Eugene. I have been waiting for the right opportunity. Also, I that top looks amazing on me and you know it._

**I also thought you’d have a stronger opinion about the twins being on my snoglist.**

_They’re fit. Irritating at times, but fit. Inglebee is a worse pick._

**Ah, there’s the Maisie I know and love.**

 

 

**Common Room**

**7:30 PM**

I cannot believe it.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

I just lost the bet.

 

**7:32 PM**

Alicia is sooo smug right now. 

Angelina’s not the least bit sympathetic. She was all, “Well at least you’ll be forced to talk to Eugene FINALLY.”

Betrayed by my so-called friends. WELL.

 

**7:40 PM**

I really could’ve SWORN that was Fred. 

 

**7:45 PM**  

Fred and George grinned so smugly at each other and were literally overjoyed to inform me that I was incorrect.Angelina screamed, “OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!” and Lee just kinda looked sideways at the twins. Alicia shot confetti into the air with her wand and whooped.

She is soooo obnoxious.

When I told her so, she was like, “What? I learned that spell from YOU!”

Well. 

 

**7:50 PM**

I have to face the facts. I really am not prepared to speak to Eugene tomorrow. 

I am a coward.

 

**8:00 PM**

Oh also Miranda McFlintlock tattled on me to Professor Snape and he deducted 50 points from Gryffindor. 

There is no justice in this world. ’Tis a dark place indeed.

 

 


	7. Thursday, September 8th

**Thursday, September 8th**

**Common Room**

**5:10 PM**

Well that went SPECTACULARLY HORRIBLY.

After dodging both Eugene and Alicia’s knowing looks all day, I finally gathered up the courage to speak to Eugene just outside of the Gryffindor Tower. He was coming out with a mate and we met eyes and I went, “Hey, Eugene.”

And he said to me, “Oh hi, Megan.”

 

**5:17 PM**

I just stood there, sort of in shock while he walked away, completely oblivious. Until finally, the Fat Lady said to me, “Oh, dear, that was quite awful, wasn’t it?” 

EVEN SHE KNOWS MY BLOODY NAME. AND SHE IS A BLOODY MAGICAL PORTRAIT. 

The worst part was that she swung open and I was like, “But I didn’t give you the password.” And she replied, “You’ve been through enough, I think.”

 

 

**Common Room**

**After dinner**

**7:08 PM**

Doing homework because that is all I can do. Become a boring, forgettable, good student. Named Megan. 

Alicia has been feeding me cookies that her mum sent to her by Owl Post yesterday morning. 

“This is nourishment,” she said, pushing a bit of snickerdoodle against my mouth.

“Cookies are junk food.”

She took the opportunity to shove the cookie into my mouth while I was talking and went, “Shhh. Nourishment for your soul.”

She feels very bad for what happened with Eugene and is trying to make up for it. But, as I pointed out to her, if I hadn’t said hello to him I would’ve gone on pining for a boy who thought my name was MEGAN.

“You don’t even look like a Megan,” Angelina said in her most disapproving voice. 

She wouldn’t agree to mercy-kill me, but she did offer to jinx Eugene’s shoes to turn into chickens the moment he stepped outside Gryffindor Tower. 

 

**7:15 PM**

I just spent four and a half years longing after a boy who literally doesn’t know my name. 

What does that say about me?

 

**7:18 PM**

The other worst part of this is that this means Fred Weasley was right about Eugene. 

He can never know.

 

**7:30 PM**

Angelina and Alicia have gone to Quidditch practice. 

I begged them not to leave me, but they went anyway. 

 

**9:42 PM**

In my severely depressed state I have done all my homework for tomorrow, washed my face, and gone to bed. 

If I’m lucky the roof will cave in over my bed and put me out of my misery.

 

 

 


	8. Friday, September 9th

**Friday, September 9th**

**Divination**

True to Angelina’s word, Eugene’s shoes burst into chickens and started squawking and ran down the stairs this morning. I heard it took him three tries before he realized he needed to unhex himself.

It didn’t heal the wounds of my heart, but it did make me laugh.

Professor Trelawney has been giving me very sympathetic, pitying looks all class. It’s so annoying.

Wait. Oh my God. Does she know? DOES SHE KNOW?

No, that would be insane. 

 

**Herbology**

SHE KNOWS. She was all, “Over time, your heart shall heal. And your will turn your affections toward someone who really sees you,” and then swooshed away with her little cape.

George, who was partnered up with me, was all, “What was that about?”

And I totally lied and said I had no idea.

She’s not psychic. She’s not. Someone gossiped to her about me. Probably Chelsea Dratch overhead my tragedy and then she and Emma Welles told her. 

Emma and Chelsea are such teacher’s pets. They actually wrote their monthly horoscope and TRIED.

 

 


	9. Sunday, September 11th

**Sunday, September 11th**

**Common Room**

**11:10 AM**

Nothing to do. Alicia and Angelina are at Quidditch practice and I did all my imminent homework when I was busy being a real Megan. 

I got a bunch of letters by owl post this morning though. The first one was from my little sister:

 

_Maisie-Daisie,_

_I cut my own fringe and it looks terrible. Mum won’t use magic to fix it because she says growing up means living with one’s own mistakes._

_Can you please try to reason with Mum? I can’t go to school on Monday looking like this._

_xoxo your best little sister ever,_

_Jenna_

 

 

 

Then I got a letter from my little brother that just said:

 

_Jenna cut her own fringe and it’s hilarious. It looks like she just got off of a rollercoaster._

_\- Brendan_

_PS: I’ve attached a photo. It’s not fancy magic that moves but it’s the best._

 

 

And sure enough there was a polaroid attached of a very cross Jenna with an awful fringe. I’ve put it up on my bedside table. 

 

 

 

Then my mum sent a letter:

 

_Maisie,_

_If you got a letter from Jenna about her fringe, don’t worry, I took pity on her and fixed it. I just made her wait around a bit to contemplate her choices and give her a bit of a scare._

_How is school going? Do you need anything from home? I can send along some of your favorite cookies._

_Love,_

_Mum_

 

 

 

And finally, I got a letter from my older sister:

 

_Maisie,_

_Did Brendan send you a photo of Jenna’s horrible fringe too?_

_Not sure whether or not to laugh or feel bad. Remember that time I thought pink hair would look good on me? Or— oh, god, when I tried crimping my hair? And you and Brendan called me Pubic Head all summer?_

_Before you ask, no, there are no cute boys at university. I believe I accidentally enrolled at Uggo University. I thought I saw one the other day, but then he fully turned around. Help._

_I did bump into Oliver Wood at the coffee shop yesterday, though. He goes to the nearby uni, and as far as I can tell, he is majoring in being handsome and still playing quidditch._

_Also, he has a girlfriend now. So there goes my hopes and dreams._

_I hope Hogwarts is going well._

_Love,_

_Bridget_

 

 


	10. Monday, September 12th

**Monday, September 12th**

**Breakfast**

Just walked past Fred and he smirked and went, “Why hello, Megan.”

I’ll kill him.

 

 

 


	11. Tuesday, September 13th

**Tuesday, September 13th**

**Divination**

Nearly fell and broke my arm against trying to dodge having to sit next to Fred. He has been looking at me in a very knowing way and I don’t have time for it. 

Today was our weekly tea-leaves reading during class. I said to Angelina that my tea leaves looked like poo, but when Professor Trelawney called on me I said they signified a kind of spiritual and cosmic constipation. She was extremely pleased by this and yammered on about Mercury in retrograde for ages. 

I wrote to Bridget vis-a-vis my Eugene tragedy and her reply came back this morning: 

 

_Maisie,_

_Ugh, that sounds awful! You need to heal. You need to make this right so you can move on. And the only way to do that is to date Eugene and then call him by the wrong name about a month in._

_Love,_

_B_

 

_PS: If you don’t want to do that (which I would understand because you would have to invest quite a bit of time), then I recommend eating too much chocolate. I have attached some here and I hope it arrived. The owl looked a bit weighed down when I sent her out._

_PPS: I’m thinking of getting a blonde streak in my hair, just in the front. Thoughts?_

 

 

Although very wise in the ways of the world, I believe a blonde streak would be a grave mistake and I wrote her back immediately to avert disaster.

Angelina thinks revenge-dating Eugene is an incredible plan. Although she is also very wise in the ways of the world, I believe that would be a grave mistake as well. 

 

**Herbology**

Dodged sitting next to Fred again. He was all, “But I’m George!” when I changed seats at the last minute.

“Oh. Have you seen Fred? I’ve been dying to talk to him all day.”

He brightened up. “I lied. I am Fred.”

“I lied too. I’m avoiding you."

He frowned and slouched down in his seat.

 

**Dinner**

Got trapped by Fred in double Potions finally. 

“Why have you got the mega-hump with me, Moretti? It’s making me depressed. Although my horoscope did say I’d lock myself in a broom closet and sob today.”

“Fred, YOU wrote that in your horoscope for a laugh.”

“I’m far more talented at Divination than I thought.”

Snape from the front of the room snapped, “Mr. Weasley, is there a problem you’d like to share with the class?”

Fred sighed. “Where to begin? Puberty, for one. And then there’s—”

Snape cut him off amid all the giggling from the class. “That’s enough, Mr. Weasley."

Later, Fred (in an effort to win me over) passed me a rather good drawing of Professor Snape farting onto a smaller Professor Snape, but we got caught laughing at it and now we both have detention.

 

**9:00 PM**

Spent detention stocking out the supply closet. I have looked at so many jars of preserved stag bladder and pickled dandelions that I swear I have gone vaguely cross-eyed.

Luckily I annoyed Snape out of the room so we didn’t have his beady eagle eyes on us the whole time. 

“Wow! This goat fetus is really neat!” I exclaimed to Snape. “Tell me, where did you come across it? What’s its name? Looks like a Jerry to me. And— Merlin’s Beard, is this GENUINE cuckoo spit?”

Snape couldn’t really reprimand me, so he settled on snapping, “I’ll be back in two hours when detention is over. Don’t ruin or steal anything,” before slamming the door behind him.

Fred turned to me, eyebrows nearly in his hairline. “I think I’m a little in love with you.”

“Why are you so desperate for me to like you, Weasley?” I asked.

“Oh, I suppose I feel rather guilty. It’s a new feeling, mind you, I’m not accustomed to it.”

I squinted at him. “Guilty about what?”

He took two large steps backward as he said: “I lied to you. You really did pick correctly between me and George the other day.”

I nearly chucked my jar of preserved bullfrog at him. “Why would you do that?!”

By this point, he was nearly halfway across the room. “It was a knee-jerk reaction. I didn’t like the idea of someone being able to tell the difference between us. You said it with such certainty, I knew it wasn’t dumb luck.”

“So you LIED?”

He shrugged. “I like keeping people off-balance.”

“You are such a STUPID GIT FRED WEASLEY.”

“I’m George, actually.”

“NO YOU AREN’T!”

“Damn it. That usually makes my mum pause for at least half a second. How are you so certain all the time?”

I was very annoyed he wasn’t taking my anger seriously and seemed to be instead intrigued by the fact that I can tell him and his stupid twin apart. 

I crossed my arms. “You know what, I’m not going to tell you.”

His face dropped. “You’re not?”

“No. This is your punishment.”

“You’re cruel,” he said. 

 

 

**11:03 PM**

He never did say “I told you so” about Eugene. 

I assumed he’d gloat more.

 

 

 


	12. Wednesday, September 14th

**Wednesday, September 14th**

**Dorm Room**

**8:07 PM**

Alicia was furtively reading something in her bed and Angelina and I found out she has a whole stash of romance novels in her trunk! She was reading one called “Secrets of the Heart” and she tried to hide it under her pillow but Angelina snatched it up.

“What is THIS?” Angelina asked and then gasped and showed me. On the cover was a very muscular man holding a woman whose dress was basically falling off of her. 

Alicia was very embarrassed. “It’s nothing.”

Over Angelina’s shoulder I read a bit of a passage that just said: 

“Breasts heaving, Isabella looked away from Ramon’s white hot gaze. Her breath caught as he trailed a finger down her cheek, then down her neck. 

‘How dare you,’ she gasped, but the goosebumps that raised up on her flesh to meet his touch betrayed her.

Ramon noticed this, and smirked.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” I said. “Do you read these a lot? Where did you even get it?”

“My sister gave me a bunch over the summer,” she mumbled. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Angelina asked.

“I thought you’d say they were stupid.”

“They are,” Angelina said, then paused. “But like. You said you had a bunch. Maybe I could borrow one?”

“I’d read one too,” I said. “You know. For laughs.”

 

 

**9:30 PM**

The one I borrowed is called ‘A Debt to the Duke‘. It’s about a young woman named Catherynne whose father is a lord but he owes gambling debts to a nearby duke. The duke, Lord Tavish McDermott, is young and handsome and agrees to wipe his debts if he’ll marry Catherynne to him.

Catherynne is taking this arranged marriage like a champ but if I was her I’d have run away. She’s all like, “I’m doing this to save my family from disrepute!” But like, her dad completely sucks and no one is properly addressing it, in my humble opinion.

 

**10:04 PM**

… Lord Tavish McDermott sounds like he’s rather fit. Even though he demanded she marry him as if she were some kind of currency. As if she were simply a THING to be traded to cure a dispute between two stupid MEN.

This book is both sexist and badly written, I shall put it down and never crack it open again. This is the 90s, we are beyond this garbage. I sort of can’t believe Alicia is obsessed with these.

 

 


	13. Thursday, September 15th

**Thursday, September 15th**

**Muggle Studies**

I am dying to know what’s going to happen with Catherynne and Lord Tavish. She was just accosted by highwaymen and he saved her and it seems like she’s starting to be into him and they completely almost kissed, but then SOME RANDOM BITCH JUST SHOWED UP NAMED MARY ANNE WOLLSLEY claiming to be his BETROTHED?

I have to know if this is true or not. 

If only I had History of Magic today, I could transfigure the cover to look like something studious and read it the entire class. 

Or not. Professor Binns never notices anything.

Although besides Angelina and Alicia, no one can know I’m reading this romance novel. We all pinky swore it would stay between us.

 

 

**Lunch**

Fred’s been acting quite strange since detention. He came up to me, looked me up down, then walked off.

I don’t understand boys.

 

 

**Double Charms**

I hate it when I’m in class for an hour but when I look at the clock only five minutes have passed.

 

 

**Common Room**

**7:30 PM**

Too much. Homework. To do. Can’t. Read. Novel. 

This is what slowly dying must feel like.

 

 


	14. Friday, September 16th

**Friday, September 16th**

**Divination**

I cannot believe I have to wait all day to read. I can’t sneak my book in here… the only thing you can get away with in Divination is lightly napping, giggling whenever Trelawney says “Uranus”, and general goofing about. 

 

**Library**

**7:12 PM**

FINALLY.

Chelsea and Ruby are crowding the dorm room with their pals. There is an experiment with hair crimping that I know better than to get involved with, and I need privacy to finish this novel.

I can’t believe I’m going to spend my Friday night in the library but here I am. Just me and Hermione Granger. 

Can’t let her see my book. She might pass straight out. 

 

 

**8:02 PM**

Mary Anne Wollsley is being DEVIOUS. She accused Catherynne of having a LOVER when really she was just talking to the stablehand! 

 

**8:22 PM**

Oh my god Lord Tavish’s mother just showed up. The Dowager Francesca herself! And she is backing Mary Anne’s betrothal claim…

 

**8:50 PM**

Oh. My god. This book is absolute filth.

 

**11:00 PM**

I finished it.  
 ****

**11:03 PM**

I feel different. And weird. 

 

**11:05 PM**

Is that truly what doing it is like? You know, IT it. The DEED. 

 

**11:08 PM**

It’s a bit puzzling. I mean, these passages between Catherynne and Lord Tavish are both very specific and conveniently vague.

 

**midnight**

Talked with Alicia and Angelina. Angelina’s not done with her book but she’s read some dirty passages too. We all sat cross-legged on Alicia’s bed, pooling our treats in a sacred pile between us, with the curtains drawn. (Ruby and Chelsea were out. I assume their hair crimping did at least go somewhat well.)

“I have questions,” I said.

“About what?” Alicia asked.

I shrugged. “Dunno where to start.”

“I’ll start,” Angelina said, unwrapping a chocolate fizzle bar. “Have either of you ever called it a ‘member’?”

“EW!” I screeched. 

“I’m serious,” she said. “I’ve never heard anyone call it that. I think that euphemism was INVENTED by romance novels.”

“Well I don’t know what you read but I think I definitely read smut,” I said. 

“You picked a good one,” Alicia said to me. “I’ll give you ‘Forbidden Passion’ next.”

“Maybe these writers are American,” Angelina continued.

“I don’t think Americans call it that,” Alicia said. “My cousins are American and I’ve only ever heard them call it a ‘wang’.”

“Gross.”

 

 


	15. Saturday, September 17th

**Saturday, September 17th**

**10:22 AM**

At the quidditch pitch watching Angelina and Alicia zoom about on their broomsticks. They’re all practicing Wronsky feints or whatever. Seems really bloody dangerous to be plummeting straight at the ground but Angelina brushed me off when I said so. Harry Potter is an absolute nut is all I’m saying, and he’s dragged both my besties into it.

Fred and George practiced it for a bit before landing on the ground and practicing their swings with beater’s bats.

Rollo from Slytherin is talking an awful lot with Alicia. And laughing. 

Hmmm. He seems a cute enough boy. But he was not on Alicia’s wistful snog list. Perhaps I should casually ask her if she would like to update it. 

Hmmmm.

 

**10:30 AM**

Sweet Lord Almighty Fred’s gone and popped his shirt off. 

He’s quite fit. Didn’t know he had all those toned muscles under there. He’s not bulky either, just lean.

Cannot let him know I have burned the image of his shirtless body into my memory banks for all eternity. And I don’t really mind. 

What’s the matter with me.

 

**10:31 AM**

“Taking in the view, love?” Fred called over to me.

Oh bloody hell.

 

**Common Room**

**2:05 PM**

Time to crack open my new book. “Forbidden Passion”. This man and woman on the cover do seem to be passionate. But I’ve Transfigured it into looking like one of my history of magic textbooks, so no one will suspect or even pick it up. 

 

**2:13 PM**

I can’t read it so out in the open. I can’t. And my room is being taken up by Chelsea and Ruby with their friends again. Something about piercing bellybuttons— I don’t want to know.

 

**Library**

**2:45 PM**

There we go. Nice and settled. Private. As usual my only companion is Hermione Granger. 

I knew she’d be in here, that’s why I brought her a little scone and some tea from the Great Hall. I’m afraid she’ll starve to death in here.

She was very appreciative, if a little startled. 

 

**4:33 PM**

Once again, I find myself in embarrassment’s tight embrace.

Fred came up behind me and was like, “What are you doing?”

Immediately I was like, “Studying,” and flipped the book down.

I glanced up at him and he was smirking at me in very knowing way. “I only saw a glimpse of the inside of your textbook, but I don’t think the phrase, ‘She moaned softly under his exploring hands’ sounds academic at all.” Then he leaned down a little and said very close to my ear: “Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you are studying.”

Then he walked off like it was nothing.

I haaaate him.

 

**4:36 PM**

The bloody hell was he doing in the library anyway?

 

 


	16. Sunday, September 18th

**Sunday, September 18th**

**10:00 AM**

Well, these romance novels are ruined. All I can think of is Fred whispering in my ear and I feel exposed and filthy. 

 

**10:03 AM**

I’m not a huge fan of how I phrased that last bit.

 

**2:14 PM**

Fine, I will admit that, in that one moment, for just a split second, when Fred said to that to me, I was kind of into it.

 

**9:32 PM**

Broke down and told Alicia and Angelina about it. I wrapped myself in my quilt on Alicia’s bed while she was putting argan oil in her hair. 

“Why are you in your shame cocoon?” she asked.

I rolled on my side with great difficulty. “Because something happened and I feel weird about it.”

This got Angelina’s attention. She came right over. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. Fred Weasley caught me reading Forbidden Passion and he… well he…”

“Yes?? Yes??” they said.

I repeated the tale to them. It was even worse when I said it aloud. 

Alicia was all, “Doesn’t that count as sexual harassment?”

“No it doesn’t,” I said mournfully. “Because— and this is why I am in my shame cocoon— I was into it. I felt a tremor.”

“A tremor?” Alicia repeated.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I said. 

“That’s fine,” Angelina said, patting where she thought my back might be under the blanket (it was my shoulder/neck). “But real quick, off-topic but kind of important and I just thought of it just now, just really quick, you should definitely jump on top of him make out wildly.”

 

 


	17. Monday, September 19th

**Monday, September 19th**

**History of Magic**

“Oh, it’s _actually_ your textbook today,” Fred said as he passed behind me in class. “What a shame.”  
 ****

I hate him.

 

 


	18. Tuesday, September 20th

**Tuesday, September 20th**

**Divination**

Drama today at breakfast. Ron Weasley was bellowing on and on about Hermione’s cat. From what I can suss out, it would seem her gigantic squish-faced cat snuck into his room and laid on his face when he slept.

“I NEARLY SUFFOCATED TO DEATH!” he said.

Hermione told him to grow up.

“I woke up unable to breathe with CAT HAIR IN MY MOUTH,” he insisted.

“That’s your own fault, mate,” Fred said leaning over. “You sleep with your mouth so wide open, you look like an opera singer.”

“The cat was probably trying to shush your loud snoring. It was doing us a real favor,” George said.

“That cat is a bloody hero,” Fred agreed.

Ron was not amused.

 

**Double Potions**

Sometimes I fantasize about knocking myself unconscious so time will pass more quickly in this class and I won’t have to be mentally present for it. 

Normally this kind of phenomenon is called “sleeping” but I don’t dare fall asleep in Snape’s class. Jared Milton did that last year and I heard he had detention every day for an entire month.

 

**Dinner**

Got a detention anyway. I couldn’t help myself. Bored, I leaned over to Angelina and whispered, “Do you think Snape uses Herbal Essences?” and we couldn’t stop laughing.

 

 


	19. Wednesday, September 21st

**Wednesday, September 21st**

**History of Magic**

Received two lovely letters from my younger siblings at breakfast. 

The first just said:

 

_BRENDAN HAS A SUPER SECRET GIRLFRIEND_

 

And then a bunch of smudged ink and the paper was quite crumpled. It wasn’t signed but it was clearly from Jenna. 

The second said:

 

_Don’t listen to our poxy sister._

_-Brendan_

 

So I went up to the owlery after dinner and wrote back to Brendan and said:

 

_It sounds an awful lot like you do indeed have a super secret girlfriend._

_Love,_

_Maisie_

 

Then I immediately sent an owl to Bridget with a letter that said: 

 

_Bridget,_

_Brendan has a girlfriend whose existence he is vehemently denying._

_Love,_

_Maisie_

_PS: Have you ever read a romance novel?_

_PPS: I think Fred Weasley hit on me the other day and I was not entirely displeased. Reality check me, please. Angelina says I should “give him a love bite so alarming it could be mistaken for a hex” but I have concerns._

 

 


	20. Thursday, September 22nd

**Thursday, September 22nd**

**Transfiguration**

 

Professor McGonagall is wearing dangly earrings today. Quite a shock to the system. 

Lee said, “Professor, something’s different about you. Your earlobes look particularly fetching today.”

McGonagall said, “I don’t envy the girls you write valentines to, Mr. Jordan.”

 

 

**Lunch**

 

Lee’s all, “Think she’s got a bloke?”

“Who?” George asked.

“McGonagall.”

“No. Who would she be seeing? Flitwick, then? Dumbledore? _Snape?_ ” The twins snickered together.

“I always thought McGonagall was, you know, of the Billie Jean King persuasion,” Alicia said.

Lee and I nodded. “I could see it,” I said. 

Fred and George were confused. “What are you on about? Who’s Billie Jean King?”

Lee had to go through the explanation and I think by the time I left George was still going, “I’m still not understanding this ‘tennis’ concept. Wait, draw me a diagram of this 'racket' you speak of, I have a quill and some paper.”

 

 

**Owlery**

 

More letters:

 

_Margaret,_

_I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. BRIDGET JUST PHONED ME AND ASKED ME IF HAVING A GIRLFRIEND MEANT I’D GET A HAIRCUT FINALLY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL HER? ALL THREE OF YOU ARE THE WORST._

 

_\- Brendan_

 

 

 

_Brendan,_

_It was Billy Shakespeare who once said: Methinks the lady doth protest too much._

 

_Love,_

_Maisie_

 

 

 

_Maisie,_

_Brendan is soooo mad at me for ringing him up and asking about his girlfriend he is claiming does not exist. Jenna says he saw him holding hands with a girl named Catherine Okonkwo in his grade. She’s apparently very studious and wears glasses with red frames which is daring and I respect it._

_Unclear as to why she’s into Brendan Moretti, Footie Jock Supreme. I swear every time I’m home he and his friends just say things like, “Awright?” and “West Ham? You’re having a laugh, innit?” and “The thing about Arsenal is, they always try to walk it in.” What does that even mean?_

_I wish Hogwarts had a proper telephone so we could talk this over. It’s the 90s, for Christ’s sake. Which reminds me, I’ve sent along a cassette player that my friend Mandi rigged so it’ll work in magicked places like Hogwarts. Don’t know if Filch or any of the more boring professors will get their noses bent out of shape about it, so maybe be discreet._

 

_XXXXXOOOOOOO,_

_Bridget_

 

_PS: Of course I’ve read romance novels. Have you? If you want some, I’ll let you borrow. They’re quite good. My favorite is “Searing High Seas” which is about a lady who gets kidnapped by the pirate king and they do it up nasty belowdecks. 10/10_

_PPS: I see no flaw in Angelina’s advice._

_PPPS: Fred Weasley is one of the Weasley twins right? God, I had such a crush on Charlie Weasley when I was in third year. Now I heard he’s taming dragons or something. What a dreamboat._

_PPPPS: When you say you “think” Fred Weasley hit on you, what, precisely, does this mean?_

 

 

Bridget sent me along a cassette player with all these amazing cassettes. She even sent me the Roxette tape I’d been eyeing before I went away. 

I penned her a reply, detailing the circumstances surrounding Fred.

She’s right, I do wish Hogwarts had a telephone.

 


	21. Friday, September 23rd

**Friday, September 23rd**

**Herbology**

During Divination this morning, which was a total snoozefest, Alicia leaned over to me (while we were supposed to be looking again at the tea leaves at the bottom of each other’s cups) and was like, “I have a crush on someone.”

“It’s Rollo.”

Her eyes bulged. “How did you know?”

I pointed into her teacup and said solemnly, “Says so right here.”

_“Really?”_

“No you twit, I saw you two flirting the pants off each other between classes yesterday.”

 

 

**Muggle Studies**

Alicia’s all, “I don’t think I can act on it. You know. My feelings. If something bad were to happen it’d get in the way of the team. The team comes first.”

“Hmmm,” I said. 

 

 

**After dinner, in the Owlery**

_Well, thank you very much. Mum and Dad heard about my girlfriend and decided now was the time to have The Talk with me. Things were said that I can never unhear. They talked at me for half an hour, I think I’d have rather died. And then Dad GAVE ME CONDOMS??_

_I’ve put them in my dresser drawer under my socks and pants I can’t even think about it._

_\- Brendan_

 

 

To which I replied:

 

_Brendan,_

_That’s rough. If it makes you feel any better, the day after I turned fifteen, Mum sat me down for The Talk but it just consisted of her telling me that, and I quote, “Oral sex is not appropriate for any age,” and then something about urges which I have since blocked from my memory, but the entire incident lasted about three and a half minutes, it was not comprehensive at all. And Bridget said that Mum tried to show her a medical illustration of the female and male reproductive system?_

_I’m proud you’ve admitted you have a girlfriend, finally._

_Love,_

_Maisie_

 

 

Then I got a reply from Bridget:

 

_Girl. Hit that HARD._

_xoxoxo,_

_B_

 

 

**Common Room**

**8:30 PM**

Been thinking about Bridget’s advice to make it happen with Fred. 

But ever since the incident I actually haven’t seen him so much. He’s stopped coming around. 

Did I do something wrong? Was I SUPPOSED to do something?

 


	22. Saturday, September 24th

**Saturday, September 24th**

**Library**

**10:00 AM**

I’m supposed to be writing an essay for Flitwick on the ways drying charms shaped the tea industry during the Han Dynasty. But the phrase “tea bricks” makes me want to fall asleep instantly. 

It IS due Wednesday. I COULD put it off.

 

**10:03 AM**

I can’t believe I’m saying this but weekends are the worst. Angelina and Alicia are always off doing quidditch things. 

Alicia’s still insisting she won’t make a move on Rollo, but will flirt outrageously with him whenever he’s around. Angelina won’t say anything about it to her. She told me she doesn’t want to scare them off, and to let it happen naturally. She’s been threatening the twins with bodily harm if they draw any attention to it. 

They must be very intimidated. Drawing attention to things is what the Weasley twins are best at. 

 

**10:10 AM**

Why am I here. It’s literally just me and Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. And Neville was dragged here BY Hermione. Something about a Potions essay.

I really shouldn’t put this essay off. Hermione wouldn’t. She’s got the best grades in her class. Maybe in the whole school. How does she have the willpower to do all her classwork early? If I had galleon for every time last year I stayed up until three in the morning doing my essays, I’d have… six galleons? 

 

**10:15 AM**

Nine galleons. 

 

**10:34 AM**

A TEA BRICK. Was there ever a more boring combination of words? Unless there is something called a beige documentary, the term ‘tea brick’ is officially the most uninteresting thing on the entire planet.  
 ****

**10:36 AM**

Actually no. The most uninteresting thing on the planet is a Binns’ lecture. 

Ba-dum-tssss.

 

**10:38 AM**

Help.

 

**4:22 PM**

I am done with my essay. Hermione directed me towards two very good books on this exact topic and from there it was a breeze. 

She should be the librarian, honestly. I think she’d be insulted if I said that though. She has higher aims than librarian. I bet you she becomes the Minister of Magic. 

I don’t know a lot about politics, but my mum doesn’t like Cornelius Fudge at all. I don’t know why though. She just shakes her head and goes, “ _Fudge,”_ in an exasperated sort of way whenever he comes up.

Dad’s American and a muggle, so he doesn’t have any opinions of British magic things. He has plenty of opinions about British _muggle_ things though, like the queen isn’t very impressive (he said she was “just an old lady with a lot of hats” once), the guards at the Buckingham palace are hilarious, and it’s “unconscionable” that Britain conquered half the world for spices but refuses to use any in their own cooking. 

I once asked Mum why she fell for Dad and she just said, “I never have to guess what your father is thinking,” and I don’t think she understood my question properly.

 

 


	23. Sunday, September 25th

**Sunday, September 25th**

**Common Room**

**2:05 PM**

Was coming down from the owlery, when I saw a puff of smoke come in from one of the open windows. I stuck my head out and there was Fred Weasley, smoking a cigarette with his back against the west tower and lazing about on the long, shallow part of the roof that butted against it.He jumped, then relaxed when he saw it was only me.

“Bloody _hell_ you scared me. Thought you were Filch for a second, ready to fling me off the roof.” He gestured at me. “Come join me, love.”

And I thought, why not. Bridget would. So I did. I found myself sitting right next to Fred on the roof of Hogwarts, looking out onto the grounds.

“It’s gorgeous,” I said.

“Isn’t it?” he said, taking a drag of his cigarette. He offered it to me. “You want?”

I have been taught to say No to Tobacco since I have been a wee child but… well, I was curious. And something about sharing a cigarette with Fred made something unspool in my belly button. 

I took it from his hand and his fingers brushed mine. “No, no, not like that. You look like you’re smoking marijuana, which’ll get us in even more trouble. Here.” He adjusted my hand so the cigarette was between my index and middle finger. 

As I took a drag of my first ever cigarette I tried to inhabit a cool Mae West sort of vibe but ended up coughing and ruining it. Fred just smiled at me. “Terrible, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t know you smoked,” I said, bravely taking another drag and keeping myself from coughing. I blew it back out (and truly did feel a bit like Mae West then) and handed it back to him.

“Only occasionally, when I need to clear my head. It’s mostly about the view out here. What were you doing in the owlery?” 

“Oh, sending off a letter to my brother. Our parents gave him The Talk and he’s all mad at me because he thinks I told him about his girlfriend. Which I didn’t. I think he’s going to send a howler soon, he’s still so sore about it.”

“The Talk? What is that?” Fred asked.

I think I might have blushed the hardest I ever have in my life. WHY DID I EVEN BRING IT UP TO FRED. In my head I was screaming at myself SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP but my mouth said, “You know, the birds and the bees?”

He still looked confused. I wished an owl would suddenly crash into me to provide distraction. “They were explaining… sex. Or trying to. They did a crap job.”

Fred threw his head back and laughed very hard. “I remember my parents tried to give George and me the talk. We asked too many questions and they basically ran away from us.” He took a drag from his cigarette and gestured at me. “Not sure why parents bother with ‘The Talk’, they’re so mortified about it.”

I agreed. “My Dad said I was going to get some urges and when I asked urges to do what, he just turned to my Mum and said, ‘Yeah, Dottie, I can’t do this.’”

Fred snickered, then looked ‘round at me in a serious sort of way. “Have you kissed anyone yet, Moretti?”

I debated between flinging myself off of the roof or avada kedavra-ing myself. 

“I kissed a Muggle boy from my hometown two summers ago. He was a bit over-enthusiastic with his tongue, I think,” I admitted. “And one time we played spin-the-bottle and I had to kiss Lee.”

Fred smirked. “I forgot about that. Lee told me that Trina Cooper had heard about it and gotten jealous, which is why she asked him out and they started dating.” Lee and Trina had gone out for five months then broken up right before the end of the year.

I was astounded. “She was jealous? Really?”

“Jealousy is a powerful motivator. Trina had been letting Lee dangle but the second she thought he might be interested in someone else she had to have him. See what I mean?” 

“Wait, is this why Trina doesn’t like me?” Trina is in Ravenclaw and we hardly see each other but she’s always giving me the stink-eye. 

“Absolutely. George and I had let it slip to her about the kiss and really played it up.”

I squinted at him. “What do you mean ‘played it up’?”

Fred stubbed out his cigarette and looked ‘round at me again. “I hate that I’m always landing myself in trouble with you.”

“ _What do you mean ‘played it up’?”_

 

**3:30 PM**

So Trina thinks that Lee and I had exchanged a passionate, world-shattering snog in public when in reality, we pecked each other and hardly anyone was paying attention. 

Fred has agreed to be my indentured servant for an entire week in exchange for his lies. The only reason it’s not for two weeks is because it was in the service of a friend. 

He was all, “Why doesn’t George have to be indentured too?” and I was like, “I don’t think he’d appreciate you snitching on him like that.”

 

 

 


	24. Monday, September 26th

**Monday, September 26th**

**History of Magic**

Stayed up late listening to Roxette on my cassette player. I had an imprint on my face from sleeping on it and I had to aggressively charm it off. 

Today is the first day of Fred’s indentured servitude. At breakfast he was all, “Would m’lady like me to cut her food for her?”

I said no but he reached over and did it anyway. And then he was all, “Would m’lady like me to feed her eggs to her?” and I had to wrestle the fork away from him.

He pulled out my chair for me at the start of this class and Chelsea and Ruby giggled together and asked Fred, “Are you two _dating_?” to which Fred responded morosely, “I wish it were so, but although my heart aches for her, my lady Maisie will not permit me to plant my mouth upon her—” at which point I bashed him over the head with my bag in hopes of shutting him up.

 

**Transfiguration**

Professor McGonagall’s eyebrows nearly touched the brim of her hat when she saw Fred carrying my bag for me down the hall on the way to her class. 

“What are you carrying in here, two hippogriffs _and_ Hagrid?” Fred groused. 

“Maybe I should’ve let George be my indentured servant, he’s much better company,” I said. George, who was walking next to me, snickered, and then placed his bag on top of mine. 

 

 

**Dorm Room**

**10:03 PM**

“Shall I help you undress, m’lady?”

How did this somehow turn into a punishment for _me_?

 


	25. Tuesday, September 27th

**Tuesday, September 27th**

**Divination**

Made Fred carry my, Angelina’s, Alicia’s, George’s, and Lee’s bags all the way up the tower. He nearly got stuck in the trap door, and George had to push him from behind to get him through.

This is _much_ better.

 

 

**Herbology**

Trelawney is back at it again. She had dark gauzy curtains over all the windows and an aggressive amount of incense burning. Her shawl was Extra Fabulous and Tasseled today. 

“I awoke last night in a sweat,” she announced gravely. 

Fred leaned over to me and muttered, “ _Ooer_.” 

Trelawney didn’t hear him. She continued, “I felt the cosmic and spiritual dismay of youthful love! Venus is lost in the sun’s glare all month! Consequently you are all _plagued_ and _distraught_ by young love and yearning…”

I muttered to Fred, “Bloody hell, is she about to give us The Talk?” And we had to practically swallow our tonsils to keep from exploding with laughter. 

She talked for about a million years like that and we spent the rest of the class on palmistry, focusing especially on each other’s heart lines. Which meant Fred and I essentially held hands for over an hour. 

At one point he traced my heart line slowly with his thumb, and when I looked up at him, he was just staring intently at me.

We got interrupted by George though, who loudly asked, “What do sweaty palms symbolize, professor?” 

Angelina, who was his partner, harrumphed at him. “George, _you’re_ the one with sweaty palms.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m wondering if it’s a symptom. I am feeling a bit peaky now that you mention it— professor, should I go down to the Hospital Wing d’you reckon? I heard Francine Trunkley in third year came down with the Norwegian Shrieking Cough yesterday, and she coughed _directly_ into my mouth while I was passing her in the hallway on Friday. Is it warm in here? I feel warm.”

“It’s always warm in here, George,” Angelina said.

Trelawney ignored him by rhapsodizing about how long and thick Lionel Underhill’s heart line was and that’s when Fred and I lost it. 

 

**Dinner**

I didn’t even know Trelawney GAVE detentions.  
 ****

**After detention**

**9:36 PM**

“Moretti, I’m afraid being your servant means I’m going to get detention every day this week,” Fred said to me while we were scrubbing out Trelawney’s ancient teapot for brewing the most foul (“potent” she calls it) tea. 

It is gigantic and it took both of us to wash it. She said not to use a wire brush on it but we did anyway because it was the only way to get the gunk off. She insisted we wash everything by hand instead of using magic because of something about conflicting magical energies. She could’ve just SAID it was punishment. 

“How is this _my_ fault? You were laughing just as hard as I was. And might I remind you, the first time we got detention with Snape, it was definitely _your_ fault.”

Fred sighed. “You know he confiscated that drawing, and I’m pretty sure he destroyed it, but a small part of me hopes he’s framed it up nice and keeps it somewhere.” 

“I bet he just cut out both of the little Snape faces you drew and put them in a locket he wears round his neck,” I said. “My older sister did that.”

“She put Snape’s face on both sides of a locket?”

“ _No_ you git, she actually wore a locket. With her face and her crush’s face in it.”

“Wait, why would she also put in her own face?”

“So when she closed it, they’d be kissing.”

Fred nearly tipped over the teapot he was laughing so hard and I had to save it. Both of us were red-faced from laughing, and sweating from the exertion of scrubbing Trelawney’s comically large teapot. We dumped it out together, set it down, and sat back to rest for a second. 

“Merlin, where did she even _get_ this thing? She steal it from Hagrid?” Fred griped. 

“She could never steal it, it’s too big, she’d never get away with it.”

We sighed loudly together. 

“What are you going to do for your October horoscope?” he asked. Trelawney assigned ANOTHER entire month’s worth of grave predictions, due next week. 

“Dunno. I used up all my misfortunes on the last one.”

“Since I’m already contractually obligated to spend my time at your beck and call, do you want work on it Friday after dinner?” He shrugged and ran a damp hand through his red hair. “You know, might as well just get it over and done with sooner rather than later anyway.”

“Sure, it’s usually just me and Hermione at the library on Fridays anyway,” I said.

He grinned at me, then snapped his fingers suddenly. “Oh! My horoscope says I’m supposed to sprain my ankle tomorrow, so remind me to walk with a bit of a limp in Friday’s class, will you?”

 


	26. Wednesday, September 28th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyy everyone my internet was down for an entire week! Pls. Enjoy.

**Wednesday, September 28th**

**Charms**

Third day in a row Fred has attempted to cut up my breakfast and feed it to me. Thought I was safe with oatmeal today, but he grabbed the spoon when I wasn’t looking and was like, “Here comes the broomstick!” and then tried to steer it into my mouth. “Oop, here comes a dragon!” he said when I tried to swipe it out of his hands and dodged around it. “A big angry dragon. And— what’s this? Another dragon? We’ve happened upon a dragon’s nest! We must be brave and investigate the screaming angry cave in the distance!”

I believe there is still oatmeal somewhere in my hair.

He’s just sore because after we got out of detention I commanded he give Angelina a foot massage.

 

 

**Double History of Magic**

Fred not unkindly picked some oatmeal out of my hair in Defense Against Dark Arts. 

“Do you think Moody’s magical eye can see through clothes?” Alicia whispered nervously. “Isn’t that illegal?”

“Scrawl something offensive on your bare stomach and see if he says anything,” Fred suggested. 

“Like what, a portrait of your face?” I said.

“It IS obscene how handsome I am.”

“How about a bunch of members?” Angelina said, smirking.

“Members of what?” Lee asked. 

“She means knobs,” Alicia said. “Or, as they say in America, ‘wangs’.”

 

 


	27. Thursday, September 29th

**Thursday, September 29th**

**Double Charms**

As my faithful servant, Fred has been giving me piggyback rides to and from every location. Today’s rule is that my feet cannot touch the ground, and he can’t use a levitating charm on me. 

“I’ll confess while I hate ninety percent of this,” Fred said, panting hard as we were going up the stairs, “I do enjoy feeling you pressed up against me. Was this all a plot just to get close to me?”

“Yes, it was my diabolical plan all along to have you and George make up a rumor about me two years ago and subsequently have this be your punishment.”

“You minx.”

“Go faster, we’ll be late for Charms.”

 

**Dinner**

Fred and George had the GALL to try to switch on me. 

“Onwards to the Great Hall, m’lady,” George said at the entrance to the Common Room. 

I almost fell for it. Almost. “Nice try. Where’s Fred?”

“I AM Fred. Does m’lady not recognize me? I am WOUNDED.”

“Oh really? Then tell me what we’re doing Friday night.”

“Snogging each other senseless.”

“No, we are not.”

“Well not with THAT attitude.”

“GEORGE.”

He sighed. “Fiiiiine.” He turned around and shouted up the stairs to the boys’ dorm, “FRED I DID WHAT I COULD BUT SHE BLOODY KNOWS I’M NOT YOU IT’S GAME OVER MATE.”

Fred dragged himself down the stairs looking very defeated. “Bollocks. Classes are over, can’t you walk to the Great Hall?”

“Nuh-uh, you know the rules. You have to carry me from each and every major location change until your indentured servitude comes to a close or my legs atrophy, whichever comes first.”

 

 

**Common Room**

**8:54 PM**

Everyone’s at quidditch practice.

Sighhh. 

 

**9:04 PM**

Hermione, Neville, Ron, and Ginny Weasley are hanging out in here. Strange to see Hermione outside of the library. 

Even stranger, Ron is playing her in chess and he appears to be winning. 

 

**10:32 PM**

“Oh so YOU’RE Maisie,” Ginny said when I stopped by and said hello. Ron elbowed her very hard. 

Hmmm.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, since you’ve committed Fred to servitude,” she continued, glaring at Ron.

Hmmm. 

 

I looked at Hermione. Hermione looked at me. Together, our eyes said, HMMMMM. 

 


	28. Friday, September 30th

**Friday, September 30th**

**Divination**

Reminded Fred he had a limp and he really committed to it. He arrived to class just a bit late and apologized profusely to Professor Trelawney. 

“Turned my ankle the wrong way this morning on the way to breakfast,” he said. “Apologies, Professor. I really thought I could walk it off.”

She was more than delighted.

 

**Potions**

I actually cannot believe it. Both George and Angelina have come down with Norwegian Shrieking Cough. They were feeling poorly this morning and went to Madam Pomfrey and when we visited them during break it turns out THEY CAUGHT IT.

Lee was like, “I can’t believe it. I can’t. George is a skilled diviner?”

I was like, “What are you talking about.”

“You remember how he was moaning on and on in class the other day about feeling feverish. Well it turned out to be TRUE, and now I’ve got the heebie-jeebies bad about it.”

“He didn’t divine anything, he was just trying to skip out,” I said.

“Do what you want but I’m not partnering up with him in Trelawney’s class anymore.”

 

**Lunch**

Full-blown meltdown at the Gryffindor table. Alicia and Harry and Katie and Fred are all panicking that George and Angelina won’t be better by their first quidditch match next Saturday. 

Rollo was like, “I’m sure Madam Pomfrey will have them better in no time.”

“WHAT IF WE ALL CAUGHT IT ROLLO? WHAT THEN? My god I borrowed one of Angelina’s practice jerseys yesterday I am coNTAMINATED,” Alicia wailed. 

“Our first match is against Marcus Flint’s team— we CAN’T lose to them,” Harry said determinedly. “George and Angelina HAVE to pull through.”

“Are my palms sweaty too? Feel them,” Alicia demanded and that’s around the time I relocated to sit by Hermione and Ginny. 

“What are they on about?” Hermione asked.

“Screaming about quidditch,” I said. “George and Angelina have fallen ill and it’s the cataclysm of the century if they don’t recover in time for their match next Saturday.”

Hermione scoffed. “They’ll be fine by Monday, it’s a three-day sickness that children get.”

“Try telling them that,” I said. 

“I would but I’m afraid I’ll get my head bit off,” said Ginny.

 

**Herbology**

“Are you not at all concerned I’m going to give you the shrieking cough?” Fred said as he carried me to the greenhouse. “I could be incubating this illness at this very moment. There’s a less than zero chance I didn’t catch it from George.”

“I like to live life dangerously,” I said.

 

 

**Dormitory**

**10:49 PM**

I now have an entire month’s worth of tragedies to present to Trelawney come Tuesday. 

“Well I am _definitely_ putting down that I will come down with an illness on the second,” Fred said as he scribbled furiously. “There’s no way I’m not getting shrieking cough.”

“That is NOT definite. You don’t know you’re going to get it.”

Fred made a face at me. “I AM going to get it and you definitely are too, you and I have been breathing the same air ever since you decided that you no longer want to use your legs. Mark my words.”

“So marked. And I suppose if you don’t come down with anything— which you won’t— you can just dab some water about your hairline and try your hardest to look clammy and distressed.”

My October, according to my horoscope, will include events such as an upset stomach, a mysterious gift, a crush that will not be reciprocated, bad news by owl post, losing an important item, and being plagued by general forgetfulness throughout the month.

“Good excuse to forget your homework,” Fred said. “I bet you could get away with it too— wish I had thought of that.”

Fred decided he’ll have a crush on someone all month. “I’ll be properly moony. Anyway, Trelawney was on about Venus being in the sun’s glare all month, this ought to make her happy.”

“Do you get the girl at the end of the month?”

“I don’t know. I think I’ll save that for November. Really keep her on the edge of her seat.”

Fred’s other calamities include a problematic rash, two detentions, poor sleep, and a nasty bought of hiccups.

It was a good time, overall. Even if we were basically alone. The library was very empty when we got there, seeing as it is Friday night. Hermione looked stunned to see Fred, and not just because he was carrying me on his back.

“All right?” he said to her.

“Are you lost?” she asked.

“No, I’m here to do homework.”

Then she suddenly got a very knowing look on her face, and went back to her studies.

Hmmmm.

 


	29. Sunday, October 2nd

**Sunday, October 2nd**

**Common Room**

**11:02 AM**

Been visiting Angelina and George, but Madam Pomfrey made us stand about five feet away from them at all times. She even inspected the hot soup Fred got for them (from… somewhere… now that I think about it I have no idea where he gets these kinds of things).

“Any of you feeling a bit peaky?” she asked us and we all shook our heads. 

On Saturday, Angelina asked us why Fred hadn’t carried me in and I had to tell her that Snape caught us and deducted House points.

“For WHAT?” Angelina asked.

“‘Acting like insipid, inappropriate fools’,” I said. “And now I’ve got to use my legs again and I hate it.”

Anyway, yesterday morning I brought Angelina a whole stack of Teen People and Cosmopolitan magazines that Chelsea and Ruby lent me. She was like, “THANK GOD I am so bored.”

George was all, “Merlin help me— do NOT make me read those Angelina I think my brain will explode.” But then today he was like, “You know Maisie, you’ve got a heart shaped face. I think a fringe— or as they say in America, BANGS— would look nice on you.”

Fred was confused. “What are you on about?”

George pulled a Teen People magazine from the nightstand. “Says right here all the hair styles for different face types. You’ve got a round face shape so unfortunately a fringe will be harder to pull off, sorry mate.”

Then George got a bout of coughs, and they are not kidding about the shrieking bit of the shrieking cough. 

“Didn’t know your voice went that high,” Fred commented. 

“Sod off,” George managed to say between coughs, and then Madam Pomfrey shooed us out. 

 

 

**4:05 PM**

Pointed out to Fred that it’s the second and he still hasn’t come down with anything.

“The day’s not over yet,” he said. 

 

 

**11:00 PM**

Day’s over and Fred is still alive and well. I’ve never seen someone so upset to be healthy. 

 


	30. Saturday, October 8th

**Saturday, October 8th**

**Quidditch Pitch**

**10:44 AM**

God, what a boring week. Just homework on homework on homework. I swear every class got more boring than the previous class, which I didn’t believe was actually possible. When does this Triwizard business start? I was promised an exciting year. The pace thus far has been akin to a rotund donkey plodding along. 

Fred never got sick but portrayed what he called ‘a role of a lifetime’ in Trelawney’s class— so convincing was he, that she actually sent him to Madam Pomfrey’s. This is proof she is not omniscient. 

George and Angelina made a full recovery (although I believe George is forever changed by reading so many muggle women’s magazines).

And now, I am awaiting for my very best pals to fly about on broomsticks and show that ghoul Marcus Flint what’s what. Rollo seemed a bit nervous when I saw him before but he looks pretty confident on his broomstick.

Oh, Hermione and Ron and Ginny have come to sit near me. Hold on…

 

 

**12:22 PM**

SOME SLIMY TROLL TURD SLYTHERIN CHASER NAMED GARY OR SOME SUCH DAFT WANKERISH NAME KNOCKED ANGELINA OFF HER BROOMSTICK I AM ABOUT TO GO TO AZKABAN FOR COMMITTING MURDER— MORE LATER

 

**Gryffindor Tower**

**1:47 PM**

Oh my God Angelina is going to be all right but I cannot believe it! I mean, Madam Hooch completely penalized Flint’s team (they are called Salazar’s Saints— gag) but then Harry caught the snitch amid the hullabaloo and WE WON.

SUCK IT, TURDS.

That Malfoy boy certainly looked like he was smelling a turd when he walked off the pitch. What’s his problem, anyway? I bet it’s because he’s an only child and a sibling hasn’t shown up to remind him that he sucks (Brendan tells me this no less than three times a month) and he never has to share his things (for years I wasn’t sure if I had my own bras or was taking Bridget’s, it’s a humbling experience) and his parents sometimes have to pay attention to his sibling over him (like when Jenna fell into the coffee table and split her head open during my eighth birthday party and we had to spend the rest of it in the emergency room).

AND YET Hermione is an only child and she is perfectly agreeable. But I heard her parents are good muggle dentists or something. I’ve seen Malfoy’s parents at Platform 9 3/4 and they also look like they’re smelling something awful all the time. 

Maybe it is better he’s an only child. What if there were MORE Malfoys in the world. 

That’s not important. 

Anyway, Angelina’s in the hospital wing with a broken leg but Madam Pomfrey’s healing her. I sprinted down to the field when it happened, and Ron and I helped load her onto the stretcher. I asked Angelina if it hurt very badly but she couldn’t hear me over all the yelling and vehement cursing. (Her own, and Lee’s as well. McGonagall had to wrestle the speaker box away from him.)

But when she got down to the field, McGonagall didn’t reprimand Angelina, and Angelina called Gary Anchorburn “shit-for-brains” right in front of her.

Ron was like, “Well I guess Angelina’s anger will keep her from feeling the pain?” 

I was like, “I hope so,” because the bone was sticking out of Angelina’s skin and I thought I was going to puke big time. 

The twins have been uncharacteristically quiet. I went up to them near Angelina’s bed in the infirmary and asked, “What are you two thinking about?” and George laughed menacingly and said, “Oh, nothing.”

Anyway, Madam Pomfrey has banned all of us from the hospital wing so she can fix Angelina up. The twins have gone off somewhere. The rest of the team is going to get food and Ron tagged along with Harry. That just leaves Hermione and me. 

 

 

**Common Room**

**6:06 PM**

Ended up lending Hermione Granger “A Debt to the Duke”. Unclear as to how this even came up, but she said she’s read racy books like that before. 

“I find them to be educational, in a certain sense,” she said. “It certainly speaks to the modern woman, and how it is that we as a whole view the power dynamics between men and women both culturally and romantically, and how that relates to fantasy and desire.”

I don’t know what’s more impressive— that Hermione thinks like this, or that, at fourteen, she considers herself a woman. 

I don’t think I’ve once thought of myself as a woman. Women wear blazers and matching lingerie, and know what ‘tax exemption’ means, and pay their own rent. I haven’t done any of those things. And outside of Renaissance paintings and some marble statues I haven’t at all become acquainted with that whole man’s area and I feel like a real woman doesn’t think of this as a big thing at all. In fact, a real woman calls it a ‘penis’ and not ‘that whole man’s area’! That just proves it!

How do I become more like Hermione Granger?

How is it that I’ve come to look up to someone two years younger than me?

 

 

**Dorm Room**

**11:12 PM**

Spent the whole night hanging out with Hermione and Ginny. I asked Hermione if she’s kissed anyone yet and she said no, but she hadn’t met anyone she’d like to kiss. 

“You’ve never had a crush?” I asked, and she shrugged and said not really. 

This is insane to me. 

Ginny volunteered that she’s kissed plenty of boys already. She’s a third year! I almost fell out of my chair. 

“What? How?”

Ginny smirked. “You just put your mouth on their mouth. Not really anything to it.”

She’s clearly inherited the Weasley sass. 

“You know what I mean!”

“You’re overthinking it, that’s why you’re having such a hard time. Boys don’t know anything, see? All you have to do to kiss one of them is to decide you’re going to kiss one of them. If you wait around for one of them to figure it out on their own, you’ll be waiting forever.”

I raised my eyebrows. Then Hermione squinted her eyes at Ginny. “Then how come you haven’t kissed Harry yet?”

Ginny didn’t even blush. She leaned back in her chair thoughtfully. “He sees me as Ron’s little sister and he’s dumber than most boys. I like him, but it’s true. I’m waiting until I’m a little older, and then I’ll make my move. Plus, he’s obsessed with Cho Chang. I have to wait until he’s done mooning over her anyway.” Then she looked at me. “Have you kissed anyone yet?”

I felt very foolish telling her about my two kissing partners. And Hermione had heard the rumor that Fred and George had circulated about me and Lee’s “passionate” kiss so I guess if I come across a puddle deep enough I’ll go drown myself in it. 

“Truly it wasn’t as lurid as all that,” I said. 

“I think you’re actually a foxy madwoman, but you’ve convinced yourself you’re a meek little bunny-rabbit,” Ginny declared. 

She had the same scheming glint in her eye that the twins had earlier today, and I’ll tell you I was rather frightened by it. 

 


	31. Sunday, October 9th

**Sunday, October 9th**

**11:19 AM**

Things got a bit punchy at breakfast. When Angelina came in the Gryffindor table stood up and started cheering like mad.

Then someone started up singing the chorus to Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’” and then all the muggle kids started joining and it got so out of hand that McGonagall had to step in to get everyone to settle down. 

I heard a Hufflepuff girl say to her friend, “Why are the Gryffindors always ready to get rowdy?” and honestly I do believe I have found our new house slogan. 

 

**11:30 AM**

Owl post from Jenna. 

_How can you tell if a boy likes you?_

 

I wrote back:

_Hell if I know. This is a Bridget question._

 

 

How CAN you tell? 

 

**12:45 PM**

**Gryffindor Tower**

I asked Angelina and Alicia and they shrugged a bunch. 

“I don’t know. You just KNOW,” Angelina said. “Especially if you don’t like them back. I always know when someone is into me when I’m not into them.”

Alicia nodded. “I feel the same. The second I get a crush my wires get all crossed.”

“I think if he’s paying a lot of attention to you, that’s a sign. If he makes a bunch of excuses to spend time with you. Standing a little too close. Laughing a lot.”

I thought about Fred. “What if he’s a massive flirt? How in the world can you tell?”

They started shrugging again.

George came over. “Oy oy. What’s all this shrugging?”

“Nothing,” I instinctively said.

“Hang on a tick,” Angelina said. “Maybe we can reverse engineer this. George, how can you tell when a girl likes you?”

“Easy. She laughs a lot and she touches her hair a lot.”

“That doesn’t sound right,” said Alicia. “That’s too simple.”

“Nuh-uh,” George said. “It’s one hundred percent accurate. Think about how much you touch your hair when you’re talking to Dream Boy McNamara.”

Alicia protested, “I DO NOT!” just as Angelina reached over and socked George in the arm. 

“OW!” he said.

“If a boy is a flirt, how can you tell if he’s flirting with you in particular or just in general?” I asked George before he ran away from us.

He got a knowing look in his eye. “Thinking of Fred now, are we?”

My blush probably looked like a full body rash, I swear. “Maybe. It’s a valid question. What do you and Fred do when you like someone?”

“Oh, don’t clump us together,” George said. “Fred and I are nearly identical but we differ in this area. I haven’t seen Fred ever settle on just one girl, he’s a bit flighty like that.”

Oh. 


	32. Monday, October 10th

**Monday, October 10th**

**History of Magic**

So Fred’s just a big Flirty McFlirtpants. 

This isn’t news, I suppose.

 

 

**Transfiguration**

Then why do I feel so rotten about it?

 

 

**Common Room**

**7:46 PM**

Angelina’s been really nice to me. “You feel rotten because you like him,” she said.

“Ugh. FEELINGS. Punch them out of me, will you?”

She wouldn’t. 


	33. Tuesday, October 11th

**Tuesday, October 11th**

**Divination**

Fred and George somehow moved Gary Anchorburn’s bed into the Great Hall. Somehow. With Gary still in it. Accompanied by his nightstand. He awoke this morning to all of us filing into the Great Hall and he leapt up and sprinted out with his blanket ‘round him. 

BECAUSE HE SLEEPS IN JUST HIS UNDERWEAR. 

The twins won’t own up to it but they have had very smug smiles on their faces for hours now. 

 

 

**Double Potions**

Fred sat next to me in Herbology. 

“Cover me while I nap, will you?” he asked. “I’m exhausted. I stayed up all night for reasons I cannot disclose.”

“Gary?"

“I’m no snitch,” he said.

 

 

**Library**

**8:55 PM**

Hermione returned “A Debt to the Duke” to me. 

“It was interesting to examine,” she said. “Formulaic. Rising tension until a climax, then a complication, then another climax. The denouement was extremely boring.”

“Oh I can hardly remember what happens after they bed each other for the final time,” I said. “Blah blah they get married blah. Sort of boring. Not sure why marriage has to be the end goal.”

“Because of the patriarchy,” she remarked. “At any rate, I have to admit the duke was attractive. A real brooding sort of fellow. I’ve been thinking ever since we hung out about what kind of boy I’d have a crush on. And I think I like someone who broods a bit but what boy can brood? It’s a more grown-up sort of affect. Harry can brood sometimes but he’s Harry, you know, and he’s very clueless lots of times. And Ron doesn’t really brood, he sulks. Then I thought about River Phoenix and he was sort of broody and dreamy, don’t you think? There are some older boys in sixth and seventh I think are sort of like that, but I don’t know them very well. I can’t have a crush on someone I see at a distance twice a week, can I?”

“You could,” I said. “I had a crush on Eugene Blousepacker for four years and it turns out he thought my name was Megan this entire time.”

“No! That’s so unfortunate,” she said, then frowned. “Maisie and Megan don’t even sound the same.” 

“RIGHT?”

 


	34. Wednesday, October 12th

**Wednesday, October 12th**

**Double History of Magic**

RED ALERT RED ALERT ALL HANDS ON DECK my god “A Debt to the Duke” has gone missing I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT HAS GONE ohhhh nooooo

I had it in my rucky after the library last night and I rearranged some things in the Common Room OH MY GOD DID I LEAVE IT OUT IN THE COMMON ROOM.

No one can know it came from me. I will die. I will actually die.

 

 

 


	35. Thursday, October 13th

**Thursday, October 13th**

**Muggle Studies**

Had a Super Secret meeting with Alicia and Angelina vis-a-vis the Great Smut Debacle. If anyone finds it and it somehow comes down to it, I’ll fall on my metaphorical sword and say it’s mine. I DID have it and I DID lose it so it’s only fair. 

We are all trying to discreetly figure out who might have picked it up. Saw Dean Thomas and Ron Weasley and Seamus Finnegan all hunched over and snickering at something before class but it turns out it was just a drawing someone made of Snape slipping and falling into a pile of poo. 

 

**Double Charms**

Maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe whoever picked it up will keep the shameful secret to themselves because they too got super into the duke himself Lord Tavish McDermott.

 

Note from Alicia, hold on:

**Please please please come to the quidditch match Saturday with me and Ang?**

_Why? It’s not like you and Ang are playing._

**No, but Roger Davies’ team is up against Grant Page’s and it ought to be very rough and we’ve got to scope out how they play. Just come! We’ll sit next to Lee Jordan and you can feed him snarky commentary while he announces. I know you’ve got opinions about the name of Davies’ team.**

_GOD sorry I still can’t believe he named his team “Roger’s Riveters” and everyone let him. I’m sorry, he’s fit but he is so incredibly naff._

**I’ve taken him off my snoglist because of it.**

_I support that decision. What if all the teams got names like that? Roger’s Riveters, Angelina’s Angels… Grant’s Great Flyers?_

**Grant’s Griffins?**

He would never. Too close to Griffyndor. 

**Flint’s Flobberworms though, am I right?**

It’s perfect.

 

 


	36. Friday, October 14th

**Friday, October 14th**

**Muggle Studies**

No whisper of anyone finding the book.

 


	37. Saturday, October 15th

**Saturday, October 15th**

**Common Room**

**12:44 PM**

Warming my feet up by the fire. It was so awfully windy and chilly out today I’m afraid I lost all feeling in my dang toes. 

Anyway, at breakfast I looped in Hermione and told her someone has A Debt to the Duke and I have no idea who’s got it. She told me she’d definitely put an ear to the ground for me. 

Nothing else much to do now. Besides my Charms homework. Which I am not remotely interested in.

 

**3:14 PM**

Hermione just glided by and discreetly passed me a note. It says:

_I have reason to believe that Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan got ahold of the book, and have now passed it out of their possession. Neville seems to know something about it._

Hmmmm. 

 

**4:22 PM**

Super Secret Meeting with Alicia, Ang, and Hermione. We have decided to put Neville’s feet to the metaphorical fire.

“I bet if we put the squeeze on him he’ll pop,” Angelina said. 

“Is he a spot now?” Alicia asked.

“How should we make our approach?” Hermione asked. 

Angelina thought it over. “Four girls inviting Neville to go anywhere would be suspicious wouldn’t it.”

“Any girl inviting Neville anywhere would be suspicious,” I said.

“Not true,” Hermione scolded me. 

“His ears stick out very far, and you know those boys would find it sus if I went up to him and asked him to go anywhere,” I defended. 

Angelina decided that we should try to pin him down on the way to dinner. She said to just follow her lead. Oh Lord.

 

**Dinner**

**7:37 PM**

Following Angelina’s lead meant following HER following NEVILLE into THE BOYS’ LOO. 

Hermione didn’t care. She stormed straight in after Ang. Alicia and I at least cast a glance around before following suit.

Neville leaped so high in fright that I thought he was going to go over the stall door and land inside. 

“What’re you doing in here?” he asked.

“What do you know about Thomas and Finnegan’s book?” Angelina said, stepping quite close to him. He cowered against the sinks. She can be quite terrifying when she wants to be. 

“I don’t know anything,” he said. But he was bright, bright red.

“Don’t lie to us, Longbottom,” she said. 

“NEVILLE,” Hermione said menacingly.

He threw his hands up. “All right, but you can’t tell the lads. Dean found a dirty romance book in the Common Room a couple nights ago. He and Seamus have been reading it in our room and talking about it, that’s why I know about it.” He looked between all of us. “How do you know there’s a book?”

“That’s not important, and you better not tell anyone we’ve been asking about it or you’re toast with JAM, Longbottom, d’you hear me?” I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before but when Angelina starts getting worked up, her Birmingham accent goes up tenfold and hardly anyone can understand her. I could tell Neville only caught about maybe six of the words she said but knew enough that it was a definite threat and he ought to keep his pie-hole shut. 

“Where’s the book now?” Hermione asked. 

Neville shrugged. “Harry and Ron had it this morning.” 

Angelina gave him a good firm pat on the shoulder. “That’s all we wanted to know. You can leave now.”

“But,” Neville said, “I’ve still got to pee.”

 

**Common Room**

**8:58 PM**

Hermione said it’d be no problem to sneak into the boys’ room and get the book back for us. Hurrah!

 


	38. Sunday, October 16th

**Sunday, October 16th**

**Library**

**2:11 PM**

CRISIS! Hermione cannot locate the book. She stayed behind during breakfast to rummage through the room and she came up empty-handed.

“What, do you think they have it on their person?” Alicia asked.

“We’ll have to search their bags and pockets then, good grief,” Angelina said. 

“I think that’s called ‘mugging’ someone,” I said. 

So we are at another dead-end.

Drat. 


	39. Monday, October 17th

**Monday, October 17th**

**Double Transfiguration**

“Where IS IT,” I hissed to Alicia and Angelina during Defense Against Dark Arts. “Does Potter have it down his bloody trousers all the time?”

“I suppose you could sift through his pants during quidditch practice like a pervert,” Angelina said.

“Don’t tempt me, I might,” I replied.

“Why are you so angry?” Alicia asked.

“I hate mysteries, you know this about me,” I said. “And I feel none of us are safe until it’s returned. Me, especially. Since I will fall on my sword to protect your honor. Even though you are the pervert who introduced me to it to begin with. And then turned me into a bloody pervert.”

“You’re like patient zero for perverts,” Angelina told Alicia. “Pervert zero.”

 


	40. Tuesday, October 18th

**Tuesday, October 18th**

**Divination**

Horrifying. Owl post at breakfast. It will send me to an early grave, I am sure of it.

 

_He covered her mouth with his hand to stifle her moans of pleasure._

_“Quiet, you’ll wake the house,” Lord McDermott scolded her._

 

Someone sent an excerpt from A Debt to the Duke to me. 

Someone knows that book is mine, and they have it. 

And are TAUNTING ME.

 

**Double Potions**

Hands full of starwort roots in Herbology, couldn’t talk properly with Alicia and Ang. Angelina and I are daring to pass notes now while Snape is droning on about how to tell a cough suppressing potion from a cough-be-gone potion. 

**So someone owl posted you, specifically, an excerpt from A Debt to the Duke? Anything else?**

_No! Not signed, no other added commentary, no list of demands._

**List of demands? What, like a ransom note?**

_I don’t know, maybe! Who would ever know that that book is mine? Hermione is the only person, and she would never do this. OH MY GOD DO YOU THINK NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM HAS A SECRET PERVERTED SIDE?_

**No, we both know even if Longbottom was secretly a pervert he is too polite to do something like this.**

_You’re right, he has manners. What if he snitched though? To Ron or Harry or Seamus and Dean?_

**Can’t be Dean Thomas, he’s got the biggest crush on you. This is NOT the way he would try to get your attention.**

_We have a genuine maniac on our hands, Ang._

 

 


	41. Wednesday, October 19th

**Wednesday, October 19th**

**Charms**

_How odd, Catherynne thought, that his mouth, that was usually twisted up in a smirk, could be so soft and gentle while kissing._

 

What’s more embarrassing than receiving these notes? Carrying them around in my rucky afterwards until I can burn them. 

 


	42. Thursday, October 20th

**Thursday, October 20th**

**Muggle Studies**

_Catherynne felt more powerful than ever as she heard a desperate groan climb up the back of her lord’s throat._


	43. Chapter 43

**Friday, October 21st**

**Divination**

Got another Owl Post. Thankfully, it is not another racy, smutty, filthy excerpt. It just says:

 

_Meet me in the empty arithmancy classroom tonight, 11 PM sharp. Come alone._

_I now realize this seems like I’m going to murder you. I’m not. I want to give you your book back, now that I’ve had my fun._

_Cheers._

 

**Potions**

“‘I’m not going to murder you’ is exactly what a murderer would say,” Alicia pointed out. 

“I hope I do get murdered after all this,” I said. “But I’m going to get our bloody book back from this monster.”

 

 

**Dormitory**

**11:55 PM**

Nearly too shocked to make anything comprehensible come out of my quill but here we go. 

I did go to the empty arithmancy classroom at 11 PM sharp. Alone. Ready to punch and hex my way out of there if necessary. 

Do you know who was waiting for me in there, with his feet up on the teacher’s desk?

Fred Weasley. Of course. OF COURSE. WHY WOULDN’T IT BE. 

Which is exactly what I exclaimed upon seeing him. “OF COURSE.”

“What, not surprised?”

“Why have you been sexually harassing me through the owl post?” I said, storming up to him.

He sighed. “Oh, I don’t know, I was beginning to feel like you’ve forgotten about me. So I thought I’d try to recapture your interest— thankfully, my pervert of a little brother accidentally showed me this book that his daft friends found, and I knew precisely who it belonged to.” He waved the book in question and plopped it on the desk. “You didn’t enjoy my love notes?”

“Absolutely not! I thought you were some maniac.”

“If you knew they were from me, would that have worked for you?” His feet were off the table and he was leaned forward now in his chair. It was very dark in the classroom and I could just see his face half-lit from the light of the moon. 

I dug up my courage. Ginny said I was really a foxy madwoman, and it was time to start acting like it. “Yes, probably,” I admitted to him. “You go through a lot of trouble to get my attention, Weasley. To what end?”

Fred stood and carefully pushed in his chair, then came until he stood right in front of me. “I’d like to kiss you.”

I think my heart fully stopped. “You would?”

“I want to see how soft your mouth is, and what you taste like. And if I’m not mistaken, I think you’d like that as well.” 

Fred is a Flirty McFlirtpants. I know it doesn’t mean anything to him. But I DID want to kiss him. 

So when he put his hand gently under my chin and tilted it up, I leaned forward to meet his lips with mine.

Lord have mercy on my soul. His mouth was so soft. He even traced my bottom lip with his tongue and I opened my mouth a bit and— look, french-kissing can be very, very good when done by an expert. Like Fred. I pulled him by his collar to be closer to me and he groaned a little and kissed me harder, just once more, before leaning away. 

I was so disappointed when he stopped. He had a strange look in his eye and all he said was, “Bloody hell,” and then raked a hand through his hair. 

And that was it. Fred handed over A Debt to the Duke, which I nearly forgot about altogether. We walked back to Gryffindor Tower like nothing had happened and said goodnight.

Will I regret this? Maybe. Would I do it again? Absolutely. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAHAH IT HAPPENED. BUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?


	44. Saturday, October 22nd

**Saturday, October 22nd**

**Dormitory**

**12:10 AM**

Alicia and Angelina were awake when I came back to our room.

“WHO WAS IT?” Alicia screamed. Chelsea and Ruby were out anyway.

I laid the book down on her bed, and then myself. 

“It was Fred.”

Angelina was like, “OF COURSE it was, what a git.”

“And we kissed.”

There was dead silence a split second before Alicia went, “WHAAAAAATTTT?” and Angelina went, “HAHAHA YES YOU DID YOU CHEEKY LITTLE DEVILS!” Alicia even shot confetti out of her wand.

But then I told them about how it ended, and Alicia was just as confused as me. But Angelina went, “Let’s worry later and squeal now!” and that made me feel better. They wanted to know every nitty gritty detail of our kissing and went “OOOOOHHHH” multiple times.

 

**7:11 AM**

Hardly slept. And I stayed up so late talking with Angelina and Alicia about Fred’s mouth. 

I feel like last night was some kind of dream. 

 

**7:15 AM**

… An erotic dream.

 

**7:22 AM**

I have to actually see Fred again. I didn’t really think this through. They have a quidditch match today and I’m going to have to stare at him swinging his bat at bludgers high up in the sky.

No wait. I can just look at Angelina and Alicia. Or anyone else. 

 

**Quidditch Pitch**

**10:25 AM**

IT IS SO CHILLY UP HERE. Angelina and Alicia are ruddy lucky I love them so much, I’d never willing sit outside in the cold for anyone else.

Caught Fred staring at me during breakfast, and when I turned to look at him, he turned and pretended to be fascinated by his scrambled eggs. 

“I bet he had his tent pitched all night thinking about you,” Angelina whispered to me and I nearly choked to death on my tea. 

 

**10:28 AM**

I wonder how Ginny would feel knowing that her sage advice led me to snog her brother. 

She can never know.

 

**10:33 AM**

… I’ll definitely tell Hermione though. I can’t NOT.

 

**Common Room**

**12:33 PM**

Couldn’t get a chance to tell Hermione because she sat next to me with Ron, and I don’t think I want to inform him that I kissed his sibling. Be a bit awkward, wouldn’t it. 

Angelina’s team totally tromped all over Dirk Wimple’s team today, it was brilliant. And no one pushed my very best pal off her broomstick this time around, which is a great plus. 

 

**1:14 PM**

Caught Fred looking at me again but he just kept walking past and followed George to a corner of the common room to mutter to each other by the window. 

What is happening.

 

**Library**

**7:10 PM**

Ugh, I moved to the library so I wouldn’t have to see Fred pretending not to see me.

I feel wretched now. All through dinner it was like I could FEEL him pointedly not looking in my general direction.

 

**8:42 PM**

Hermione is studying next to me now. When she came in she was like, “You seem off, what’s wrong? I’m sure the book’ll show up soon.”

So I filled her in on the whole sordid tale culminating in sexy-snogging times and she said in a very disapproving way, “Fred is such an idiot.”

I sighed and laid my head on the table and she patted me fondly. “Why is he being so weird? It was great.”

“He seems like he’d be quite good,” Hermione said thoughtfully. I groaned in despair. “Sorry, that was insensitive. He just… has a sort of energy about him.”

I groaned louder, and Madam Pince stuck her head around the shelves and snapped at me, “Shush! If you can’t keep quiet, then I kindly invite you to LEAVE.”

“I’m sorry, Madam Pince,” I said lifting my head from the table. “I’ll try to keep my heartrending turmoil at a more appropriate decibel.”

She harrumphed at me and swooshed away.

“I despise her hat,” I said to Hermione. 

 

**8:50 PM**

Yet again, in my despair, I have managed to do all my homework for Monday classes. If this continues on, I will become valedictorian.

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Sunday, October 23rd**

**Common Room**

**9:45 AM**

Only ducked into breakfast to grab some toast and made the long, morose journey to the Owlery to send a letter to Bridget vis-a-vis Fred. She ought to have some insight. 

 

**9:52 AM**

Well, in the meantime, I am NOT going to moon about Fred like some kind of desperate lady waiting to be asked to dance and sighing behind my fan. I’m going to continue on having a grand old time. And I haven’t any homework to do, so I am going to find something fun to do.  
 ****

**10:03 AM**

There is nothing fun to do. Bloody hell I wish it was time to go to Hogsmeade.

 

**12:20 PM**

Angelina was like, “NOTHING FUN TO DO? You miserable old tit, I’ll show ya,” and she put a charm on my cassette player to raise the volume and me and her and Alicia and Chelsea and Ruby danced like mad in our room. 

Chelsea and Alicia are both muggle-born so they knew most the songs I had on cassette and screamed the lyrics along with me. Ruby and Ang didn’t know the songs but didn’t care and we broke Ang’s bed by jumping on it too ferociously.

Then we sort of laid about exhausted for a bit and Chelsea showed us her pierced bellybutton. I don’t know if I’d ever be brave enough to do that. But it looked sort of cool.

“I like it,” Angelina said. 

“Me too,” Chelsea said. “Makes me feel a bit… I dunno, cheeky or something.”

 

**12:23 PM**

Alicia told me I ought to encompass the energy of a secret bellybutton piercing when it comes to Fred. 

I think she’s right.

 

**8:00 PM**

Passed by Fred and George in the corridor after dinner. Fred caught my eye and I said, “All right?” 

Angelina started snickering once we were out of earshot. I’ve got a phantom bellybutton piercing I tell you.

 


	46. Monday, October 24th

**Monday, October 24th**

**History of Magic**

Letter from Bridget:

 

_Ugh. All right, the first thing you need to know about boys is that they are very dumb and easily scared even though they posture about and talk about the Quidditch World Cup. You said the kiss was great. Probably it WAS and that’s what’s got him scared._

_Just be you. If he can’t get over himself, then he can’t get over himself and that’s it. You had a cracking kiss, you can move on. OR you can confront him if he keeps being weird. Totally up to you._

_xoxoxoxo,_

_Bridget_

 

Fred IS still being awfully quiet around me. Good Lord. Should I confront him? Or just let him come back around again like a stray cat?

WHAT DO I WANT.

 

**Double Transfiguration**

I want him to kiss me again, that’s what I want.

Is that horrendously desperate of me? 

… Oh Christ on a cracker, McGonagall just called on me and I hadn’t been listening at all. 

“Miss Moretti, I suggest you focus up,” she reprimanded me. 

“I’ll try,” I said. “But Mercury’s in retrograde and it’s clouding my mental aura. Just ask Professor Trelawney.”

McGonagall muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “I’d rather eat glass” and then said, “Ignore Mercury and come back to Earth for the remainder of class, if you please.”

I can’t, though.

 

**Dormitory**

**9:09 PM**

On my way back down from the Owlery I spied Fred smoking on the roof. So I stepped out and sat next to him. 

“Why are you acting mental.”

He blew out some smoke. “You have a very subtle way with words, Moretti.”

“Don’t get all slippery on me. Can’t you just be normal? The kiss was your idea, after all.”

“I fully admit that,” he said, handing me the cigarette. I took a casual puff. “And it was… it was really good. It was too good, know what I mean?”

“No, I don’t believe I do.”

He leaned his head against the tower. “I think you’re very pretty and I have a good time with you. But I don’t want a girlfriend.”

I handed him back his cigarette. “Did I ask to be your girlfriend?”

He was a bit startled by this thought. “You don’t want to be my girlfriend?”

I shrugged. “I fancy you a bit too. And I liked kissing you. But I don’t know if you’d make a proper boyfriend.”

He scowled. “I’d make a proper boyfriend. I’d be an amazing boyfriend, in fact.”

“Sure, you would.”

“I WOULD,” he insisted, clearly insulted.

“If you say so. But you don’t want to be my boyfriend, so it’s moot anyway, innit?”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “First you say ‘all right?’ to me, and now you’re saying ‘innit?’ Since when do you talk like a tough lad?”

“Ever since the boy I snogged a bit started acting like I was the sun and he couldn’t look directly at me.”

Fred harrumphed. “I can look at you directly.”

“… you’re just looking at my mouth.”

“Can’t help it, now you see why I’ve been avoiding you,” he said, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “But I’ve been a prat, I admit it. We ought to keep our mouths to ourselves from now on, I can’t be trusted, clearly.”

“Is that your version of an apology?”

“What would you have me do?”

“An apology in the form of a poem. With a proper rhyming scheme, none of this free verse nonsense.”

He eyed me. “I hate that I know I’m going to do yet another ridiculous thing for you.”

“You deserve it,” I said. And then, “…Did you read the entirety of A Debt to the Duke?”

“I did. And I have to say some of those sex scenes got me a bit hot under the collar. I did not like that Mary Anne Wollsley though. What a twat.”

 

 


	47. Tuesday, October 25th

**Tuesday, October 25th**

**Double Potions**

Paired up with George in Divination, which was somehow worse than being paired up with Fred. He looked into my tea leaves and started leafing through his textbook tutting. 

I refused to ask him anything about it, so finally he had to come out with it and go, “There seems to be some turmoil in this cup. Matters of the heart… and… lips…?”

“Fred’s clearly already told you about the other night.”

Eyebrows raised, he just went, “Hmm? What about the other night?”

I glanced into his tea cup. “Interesting. Your leaves seem to be telling you to bugger off.”

He grinned. “Aw, come now, Maisie. I just want to hear your side of it. He said it was cracking, but he’s been moping about like someone shat in his rucky.”

“I know less about what your brother is thinking than you do. But we’re not going to kiss again anyway, we already talked about it.”

George had a gleam in his eye. “You sure about that?”

That comment has been haunting me all day.

I want to kiss him again. But he doesn’t want to kiss me. But he does. WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN. 

Why do they teach useless things like how to perform an engorgement charm on an eggplant but not the really important things like what it means when a boy says kissing you was great but he can’t do it again?

Then again, who would teach the class? Mad-Eye Moody would have nothing of value to contribute— he called the police on his dustbins this past summer. I don’t think girls and boys were allowed to socialize when McGonagall was young. I think I’d die if Snape ever tried to speak to me about boys.

Although you know, I bet you Snape would say something like, “Mr. Weasley… a true disappointment,” and he’s not wrong. 

 

**Common Room**

**7:55 PM**

Was standing next to Dumbledore after class trapped by the crush of students coming down the staircase and he just went, “Want to see something incredible?” and stuck his foot out from under the robes, revealing he was wearing bright red cowboy boots. Then walked off like it was nothing.

This is the man is in charge of us.

 

**8:12 PM**

Walked past Fred and he hurriedly covered up what he was writing. “No peeking!” he said. 

“Is that your apology poem?”

“Yes, and I’ll have you know I am spending more time on it than I did on my History of Magic essay last week.”

 

 


	48. Thursday, October 27th

**Thursday, October 27th**

**Double Charms**

Fred’s apology arrived by Owl Post at breakfast. 

 

_My star shine, my honey cake, my dream,_

_Forgive me, I am denser than I seem._

_I acted foolish and unkind,_

_As the Muggles say: ‘Press rewind’_

_Let’s pretend I was never a prat_

_So we can make-up, and that’s that._

 

“Apology accepted,” I told him during Muggle Studies. “But I think the poem idea was a mistake. Rhyming is not for you.”

He let out a big breath. “It was so difficult, I’m not used to applying myself. I sweated through three shirts.” 

“So… friends again?” I said, even though it felt like a weird stab in my heart. I don’t want to be just friends again. I want to put my mouth on his mouth again, and not in a CPR kind of way. But what am I to do? I can’t kiss someone who doesn’t want to kiss me. I just have to… get over him. 

“Friends,” he agreed. 

I’d like to punch myself in the face, I think.

In other news, they posted up that the Beauxbatons and Durmstrangs are going to arrive on Halloween eve. THANK GOD. We need some shake-ups around here. Maybe they will be perfectly dreamy and I can just forget about Fred and his stupid handsome face.

And also the Triwizard Tournament and blah blah blah. 

 


	49. Monday, October 31st

**Monday, October 31st**

**Dormitory**

**12:32 AM**

Well they are here! Bit of a disappointment. We waited outside for ages and ages in the cold for the Beauxbatons and the Durmstrangs to arrive. The Beauxbatons were NOT dressed for the weather at all, wow. Aren’t they like in the Pyrenees somewhere? I thought that’s what my cousins said. Shouldn’t they were dressed for the cold?

Fashion over utility, I guess. Very French of them. 

The lads from Durmstrang were dressed in furs from animals they probably killed themselves with their bare hands. But they looked in fine form for the weather.

Didn’t spot any fit boys. The Durmstrang lads were a little rough around the edges for me and the Beauxbaton boys all seemed very delicate like if a big gust of wind came by they would all blow away like dandelion seeds.

“Well, this is bloody disappointing isn’t it?” Chelsea muttered to us. 

 

 

**Breakfast**

The Beauxbatons picked the Hufflepuffs to sit with, and the Durmstrangs are sitting with the Slytherins probably because Karkaroff and Snape used to be BFFs-4evr and braided each other’s hair while reading Witches’ Weekly. Apparently Durmstrang is known for teaching the Dark Arts which I think I’d’ve been more scandalized about if our own DEFENSE AGAINST Dark Arts professor hadn’t cursed me into shattering my arm earlier this year.

Oh also, there’s this Beauxbaton girl who all the boys are going absolutely mental over. And this is not an exaggeration, it’s like they lose their marbles completely. Alicia said she heard she was part Veela. Some girls have all the luck.

 

 

**Divination**

Angelina is going to submit her name into the Goblet of Fire?? Cannot believe it still. She says she’ll go during the morning break, when the Great Hall will be mostly empty. Alicia and I offered to go with her, but she said this was something a woman’s got to do alone.

I mean, I think she’d be great but also Dumbledore was super scary when he was talking about submitting your name. He said not to do it lightly, and this is coming from a man who showed me his outrageous cowboy boots not one moon ago. 

Fred and George have been super grumbly about just barely not being old enough. They’ve got Scheming Eyes though, I don’t think we’ve heard the last of it. 

 

 

**Transfiguration**

And here we are, predictably. Fred and George are officially down for the count. They tried to age themselves up magically to submit their names, but the age line booted them. Now they’re in the Hospital Wing so Madam Pomfrey can undo it all and get those ghastly huge old beards off their faces. 

“Well,” Alicia said to me after, “we all knew they’d try, didn’t we?”

True. When McGonagall heard what happened she just shrugged. 

 

 


	50. Tuesday, November 1st

**Tuesday, November 1st**

**Divination**

Our sweet tiny boy HARRY POTTER was selected by the goblet of fire! 

He looked shocked, to be honest. Fred and George were grilling him all night about how he got over the age line but Harry kept saying he hadn’t done it. Ron’s pouting like a fashion model, I don’t know what’s got up his nose. 

Hermione and I were talking about it at breakfast. She thinks something fishy is happening, but I’m not surprised. That Harry always has something strange going on. Sirius Black, last year. That time he swallowed the golden snitch whole and spat it out. That time he got that fancy broomstick and everyone thought McGonagall was going to destroy it but didn’t. That time he could speak parseltongue and a Basilisk was slithering rampant about the school. Oh, right, and that time He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named tried to murder him as a baby. You know. All that stuff.

Who even knows at this point. 

I bet there’s a party about it soon. I bet there’s a fight about it soon (the Slytherins are already making noises, especially that Malfoy child). 

Oh and shockingly that part-Veela Beauxbaton girl is their champion. Harry said she called him a “leetle boy” and he was clearly offended by it. 

Angelina’s a bit let down about not being picked, but she’s excited about Harry. 

Now Professor Trelawney is making HUGE GRAVE predictions about our near future concerning the tournament. Doesn’t she think well of anything? I bet she doesn’t get invited to weddings or baptisms. 

Anyway, the Durmstrangs have got that famous (I have been told) quidditch player Viktor Krum, and we have a second Hogwarts champion, the very dreamy Cedric Diggory. 

The Hufflepuffs are soooo mad at Gryffindor. Like we had anything to do with it! Honestly. 

 

**Double Potions**

In the corridor after lunch I overheard Dirk Wimpley telling that mesmerizing Beauxbaton champion that he once rode a dragon and then Lionel Underhill insisted he had rode TWO dragons and that’s when Fred, passing by went, “What, at the same time, mate?” and then grabbed ahold of Ron (who looked like he was about to jump in and say something equally insane) and steered him away.

Fred just passed me a note.

 

**What are you scribbling on about? Those aren’t class notes. They don’t look boring enough.**

_None ya._

**None ya what?**

_NONE YA BUSINESS THAT’S WHAT._

**Merlin, why are you so strange? I already read your filthy smutty sexy book, what can possibly be more secretive than that?**

_Fine. I am musing about that Beauxbaton girl. Fleur Dela-something. Part Veela? Anyway, why’s it that some boys are completely under her spell and others are immune?_

**Not really sure. George and I have been trying to keep Ron safe from himself around her. Maybe it’s if you’re attracted to her you’re REALLY attracted to her. But only IF.**

_So you’re saying you’re not attracted to her at all? That’s why you’re immune?_

**I guess so. She’s seems sort of… prissy or something. Or maybe she’s just French. Hard to know.**

 

 

…Trying not to be flattered that Fred found me attractive and not Fleur, but it’s impossible. 

 

 


	51. Friday, November 4th

**Friday, November 4th**

**Dormitory**

**5:02 PM**

Tryna cheer up my little pal Hermione but she’s very glum. With Harry and Ron fighting she feels like she’s got to choose which one to hang out with all the time. 

“Oh I just HATE it! Why can’t they just get over themselves?” 

“They are boys,” I said. “They are too proud and stupid.” 

“They’ll get over themselves soon,” Alicia said.

“I don’t know,” Ginny said. “Ron can hold a mean grudge. Gets it from Mum.”

“You’re not helping,” Angelina told her.

Ginny shrugged. “It’s the truth. Ron’s as stubborn as a donkey. He needs more time than a normal person.”

Hermione punched a pillow. 

“Maybe the party tonight for Harry will… shake something loose in them,” Alicia suggested. 

“Oh that party. I am not in the mood for it,” Hermione said.

 

**5:45 PM**

Hermione cheered up a bit when we charmed my cassette player again and played some Wham! and danced like mad. We didn’t rebreak Angelina’s bed but we did try. 

I am in a party mood for sure. I will stay away from every and all foods lest they be laced with some horrendous Weasley charm. I am no one’s canary tonight.

 

**11:52 PM**

Cannot properly link any thoughts together. Catastrophe. Will write tomorrow.

 

 


	52. Saturday, November 5th

**Saturday, November 5th**

**Library**

**1:02 PM**

I am basically hiding out in the stacks to get some space and privacy and think about what has happened.

It was George who decided that we’d pull lots to pair up for slow dances. “Gotta shake this up!” he announced while standing atop of the back of a sofa. “If I see one more boring, unsurprising pairing I will truly die of lack of amusement.”

Why did we all listen to George? Well, obviously some of us (the younger girls especially) wanted a chance to dance with a cute older boy who would never ask or notice them otherwise. Angelina sighed loudly because she is bold enough to ask for what she wants, but Alicia said she ought to do it for the sport and the little shrimps just trying to find love and so Ang didn’t heckle George.

“We’re GRYFFINDORS aren’t we?” he shouted. “We’re supposed to be BRAVE! COURAGEOUS! READY TO GET ROWDY! Time to live up to our house!” 

So we drew lots and Lee (with a magicked stereo of his own) put on some slow song by Journey (I’m guessing) and we roamed about trying to find who matched with us. 

I got paired up with Justin Mailler, who is one of Eugene Blousepacker’s friends in seventh and is rather cute. But have I ever spoken to him? Certainly not. It was really strange touching and standing so close to someone I hardly knew. Angelina got paired up with Neville Longbottom (who looked utterly terrified), Alicia was with Harry, Hermione was with Lee, Ginny was with Henry Twill, George was with Parvati Patil (who was blushing furiously), and Fred danced with Lavender Brown (who was thrilled). 

Fred was eating up the attention Lavender was giving him. I wasn’t paying super close attention. I’m just saying. At a cursory glance, I could tell he was being all charming and making her laugh and loving it.

Whatever. 

“Oy, Maisie,” Justin Mailler said. “Good partnering.”

“Er, thanks,” I said. “I guess we’re about to get to know each other quite well, aren’t we?”

“Sure. Can’t believe we’ve hardly spoken before. You know, I was with Eugene that time he called you Megan?” he said. I wanted to die. 

“Oh. Yeah?”

“Made fun of him for the next two weeks, we did. What an idiot. That’s like mixing up ‘Hermione’ with ‘Hannah’.” And that sort of made me feel a bit better.

It was fine. Fred stuck around talking with Lavender and Parvati after the song ended and so I went across the room to join my friends and NOT be such a headcase. 

“How was it?” I asked Angelina and she cackled.

“Neville was so scared of me, he could hardly get two words out. I sort of loved it. I wonder what would happen if I kissed him? D’you think he’d explode?”

“You’re a monster,” Katie said to her. 

“I’d give it a go,” Chelsea offered.

We drank punch and danced like mad to fast songs. Fred and George joined and I have to say they have some tiptop dance moves. When ‘Disco Inferno’ came on, I transfigured a proper mirror-ball and then things truly got a bit out of hand. George and Lee stood on top of a table and did the can-can and at some point the éclairs had been hexed and about half the party started belching uncontrollably. Alicia and I witnessed Lavender Brown stumble and fall into Henry Twill’s lap, and then make-out with him wildly. 

“Now THAT’S a move,” she said to me.

Confetti was shot, Terry Gold rallied a bunch of people and we ended up raising Harry up on a chair like it was his bar mitzvah during Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” came on. At some point when the belching and havoc died down a bit, George went around and had us pull lots again. Angelina ended up with Neville again and she laughed so hard when he looked horrified. 

“Oh c’mon, be my partner again. It’ll be fun,” she said and he relaxed a bit. I think he thought she was going to be upset to be paired with him again and was bracing himself to be made fun of, but when Angelina was nice (in her way) he stopped panicking.

I ended up with Seamus Finnegan. Dean Thomas was not happy. 

“He looks a bit cross and— dare I say?— betrayed,” I teased.

Seamus made a face. “Like I’ve got any control over it. Not my fault he fancies you.”

“I thought I saw him with his arm around Gracie Cornish before.”

“Doesn’t matter, he’ll still quiz me later about you. ‘Did she say anything about me?’ No you git, she’s two years older than us.”

“So who did YOU want to end up with, then?” I asked.

Seamus shrugged. “Dunno. I don’t fancy anyone right now. You’re a good partner. You’re pretty funny and not at all naff. If we’re going to be stuck slow-dancing to the longest song in the history of the world, you’re all right.”

“Thank you.”

“Who did you want to be paired up with? One of those older hunky boys the girls are always on about? Eugene? Justin?”

“I did dance with Justin before. It was all right,” I said. I didn’t dare breathe a word or even THINK about Fred. “He’s got a good jawline and smelled nice.”

“Is that what girls think about then? Jaws and smells?”

“We think about it all. Jaws, smells, hands, arms, eyes, butts—”

“BUTTS?”

“— bravery, shoes, leg strength, dexterity, spatial reasoning, sense of irony—”

Seamus scowled. “You’re having a laugh.”

I was. I laughed and laughed and laughed. 

I didn’t even SEE Fred come over. “Mind if I cut in, mate?” he said to Seamus. Seamus looked put off but had no choice but to step aside and let Fred take his place. He more or less stomped off,but Fred didn’t care.

“Cutting in?” I asked, astounded. “How indecent. The whole party will be talking and by Monday you will be an absolute pariah.”

Fred grinned. “Couldn’t help myself. I got paired with Lavender Brown again and I had to make my escape before she started shopping for wedding rings.”

“Lies. I saw her snogging Henry Twill nearly to death not fifteen minutes ago.”

“She’s insatiable.”

Fred’s hands felt like fire where they touched me. His left hand nearly enveloped mine, and his right hand was burning a hole where it rested on my hip, I swear. We were so close, and it took all my willpower not to stare directly at his lips.

“So you got on with Justin Mailler well then?”

“What’s it to you?"

“It’s nothing. Just making idle conversation, as is polite in these scenarios.”

“Uh-huh. Well he confessed he had always loved me, and had been pining from afar for the last two years.”

“What did you say?”

“I said we should elope tomorrow at first light.” Fred made a face at me and I laughed. “Did you think I was serious? No way would Justin pine over me for the last two years, that’d be insane.”

“Not so insane,” Fred said very seriously and the look he gave me didn’t make me want to laugh anymore. Finally, he said, “Can I kiss you again?”

I felt like he had punched me in the gut. “We said we’d be just friends.”

He was staring at my mouth. He said, so softly I almost didn’t hear him, “Friends can’t kiss?”

But that’s when the song ended, and the spell was broken. Everyone was looking around, and Hermione and Ginny were staring right at us from across the way.

“Well,” I said, panicking, and stuck out my hand. Fred shook it, confused. “A great time had by all. S’laters.”

Then I sent myself to my room, because I couldn’t send myself to a nunnery. 

 

 

**1:33 PM**

Why did I shake his hand after. Why.

 

**2:23 PM**

Hermione found me. She would. She could be the library tour guide. 

“Does this have anything to do with shaking Fred’s hand last night and then leaving the party?”

“You know it does.”

“…Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather die.”

“All right,” she said, pulling out her books. “I’ll be here doing my Potions essay then if you need me.”

“I need you to mercy kill me.”

She wouldn’t, though.

 

**2:48 PM**

Fleur Delacour would never do what I just did. Neither would Angelina. Or Chelsea.

 

**5:50 PM**

OR ANYONE. I can’t think of a single person who would do what I did. “S’laters”?? WHO DO I THINK I AM.

 

 


	53. Sunday, November 6th

**Sunday, November 6th**

**Library**

**10:23 AM**

Could literally FEEL Fred’s eyes on me during breakfast. Couldn’t possibly look at him. Pancakes too fascinating.

 

**10:30 AM**

Oh my God, I am doing exactly what Fred did to me. 

OH MY GOD. 

 

**10:36 AM** ****

But what can I do? I have embarrassed myself beyond the depths I previously thought possible. 

 

**10:43 AM**

I will NOT hide. I am going to go find Fred and set this right. 

 

**Common Room**

**3:44 PM**

Spent all day looking for Fred, started to feel pathetic, and came back here. 

He wasn’t in the library, the common room, the quidditch pitch, near the lake, in his room, or on the roof near the owlery. 

Where does that boy go??

Haven’t seen George either. They must be together, somewhere. Scheming. 

 

**3:56 PM**

Where do they go to scheme though seriously. 

 

**Dinner**

**7:20 PM** ****

WHERE IS HE?

 


	54. Monday, November 7th

**Monday, November 7th**

**History of Magic**

Alicia asked me, “What are we doing for your birthday on Thursday?”

“My what.”

 

**Defense Against Dark Arts**

How did I forget my birthday is coming up? 

How Trelawney forgot my birthday is coming up is my bigger question. She always squints and harrumphs at my birth chart when it comes into her eyeline. I’m surprised she hasn’t hung up a sign that says, “3 DAYS UNTIL TRIPLE SCORPIO’S BIRTHDAY, SURVIVAL RATIONS AVAILABLE."

Possibly I have been immensely distracted by Fred. He’s just floating around looking as happy as a clam. George sat next to him the last two classes, and my attempts to speak with Fred have been foiled.

I must get closer to this clam. 

 

**Double Transfiguration** ****

Okay, big risk. I am going to slip Fred a note. He is behind me, with George. Here we go. I am going to sound so normal. No more talking like the boys who play footie down the street from my house. 

 

…

 

_I realize I acted like a major headcase for like 48 hours after Harry’s party, and I’m sorry. I’m going to try to turn over a new leaf. A normal leaf._

**It’s all right, Moretti. Meet on the roof after dinner?**

_Done._

 

**Dormitory**

**9:22 PM** ****

Went up to meet Fred on the roof after dinner. 

“Moretti? Is that you?”

“Who else?”

“You’re so bundled up I can just barely see your eyes and nose.”

“It’s bloody cold up here,” I said, sitting next to him. 

“Good thing I brought this then,” he said, holding out two mugs of hot cocoa. I pulled down my scarf so I could sip it. 

“Where did you get this? You always have food and things and I don’t know where you go. I was looking for you all of Sunday and it was like you left Hogwarts altogether.”

Fred grinned at me slyly. “You were looking for me? All Sunday?”

“Stop that smiling. I was looking for you to clear the air because I… you know…”

“Shook my hand after I tried to seduce you?”

“Yes. That.” 

Fred sighed then and leaned back. “It’s all right. I’ve been sending mixed signals. I don’t know what I want, really, except I want to kiss you again. But that’s selfish.”

“I feel the same,” I said. “If only there was a way we could kiss when the mood struck, but neither one of us would get strange afterward.”

He looked ‘round at me, with what I could swear were his scheming eyes. “I suppose,” he said slowly, “we could get better with practice.”

“We could,” I agreed. I put down my hot cocoa and when I turned back Fred was already leaning toward me. He pushed me against the tower and kissed me. His mouth was so warm, and he kissed me very gently. It was bloody fantastic. Feeling bold, I sucked a bit on his bottom lip and he groaned and kissed me deeper, pushing himself against me harder and tracing his tongue against mine. 

He pulled back a little, and said, “I would like to kiss you all over but you’re so bundled up I’ll just have to make do,” and then very dutifully kissed every square centimeter of my face that was peeking out from under my hat and scarf while I laughed and laughed. 

“Seriously.” Fred put his arms around me and squeezed. “How many coats is this? I can’t even feel you.”

“It’s two sweaters and a coat, and two pairs of trousers,” I confessed. 

He looked at me. “This might be the least seductive outfit known to man and yet… it’s working for me.”

“The olds always say to leave something up to the imagination. And anything could be under this outfit. Literally anything. Scales. Hooves. I could have a conjoined twin underneath here.”

“Oooh,” Fred said, snuggling closer. “I love it when you talk filth to me.”

“I promise I’ll wear less clothing next time the spirit of kissing is upon us,” I told him. 

“Yes, next time,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me again. 

 

**10:04 PM**

“You realize you two are now friends with benefits, right?” Ang said.

“… I guess I didn’t quite put that together.”

“I can’t believe you wore TWO pairs of trousers to go see him,” Chelsea chimed in. “You might as well have had a sign up that said ‘closed for business’.”

“It’s not like they were going to shag on the roof,” Hermione defended me.

“Other things could’ve happened.”

“ _Oh._ I didn’t think of that,” I said.

“Well, clearly. I suppose it doesn’t matter, though, you still got to get snogged absolutely senseless.”

 


End file.
